[00:00:00]
Host: Well, everyone, I am super excited. This person who is joining us today, I've actually had someone helping me try to sort of recruit her to come talk to you all, and she finally agreed to do it. So I'm super excited that Trixie is here to share with us her filthy little secrets. I've known Trixie for a little while—it's been a couple years at least. But we've never actually had the really candid conversation about the topic that we're gonna talk about today, so I'm excited to do that with Trixie. So, other than being courted rather aggressively to come on this show, was there a reason for you why you were like, "Yeah, you know what? I'm up for talking about sex and telling my story?"

Trixie: Just to hopefully help people be more open about their sexuality. I still feel people are really afraid of what people are gonna think about being so sexual. And in this day and age, I think it's more common, but that stigma is still out there for women that want to be open about their sexuality.

[00:01:00]
Host: Yeah. I feel like it's a weird time because you can definitely see places in the mainstream where there seems to be liberation for women and sexuality, but then there's also still a lot of shaming. It’s almost like we can't decide as a society who we wanna be when it comes to women. I know just doing this podcast, most of the women that I've talked to have some fear and nervousness about coming on the show because maybe there are potential repercussions in their personal or professional life if their "filthy little secrets" were to be known. So to me, if that's how the world still is, then we've still got work to do.

Trixie: Yeah. I just feel like if that's your authentic truth, then so be it. I've always been pretty open. I started pretty young experimenting, and I never really been shameful about it. Of course, especially in high school and college, there's always that "Oh, she's a slut," or "She's a whore." But I never really cared what people said about me too much. I still don't. When I moved down to Tennessee—I come from a really small town, so that made it a little bit harder—but coming down here and meeting all the people I met, I just realized there were a lot more people out there that like to experiment and get a little freaky, I guess, than where I come from. It was a big relief to know that I wasn't the only one out there.

[00:03:00]
Host: So how long ago was that for you that you started to find like-minded people that it was safer for you to explore?

Trixie: It's probably been about 12 years ago now.

Host: And how did that happen? Were you aware that there could be other people, or did it happen by accident?

Trixie: It kind of just came up by accident. Like I said, I came from a small town, so it just wasn't out there. My first kind of experience with it, realizing, "Oh wow, this could be a thing," was in the relationship I was in at the time. It came out one night that I was like, "Oh, I'm kind of bi-curious. I've never went there before." He took me to a real high-end strip club, and I had a little bit of an experiment with a woman. There was no sex involved, but I think that's when it kind of started. I was like, "Oh wow, this is kind of fun." So it went from there. We started looking for groups and had to go outside my area to find those like-minded people, but they're out there.

[00:04:00]
Host: So was it finding it on the internet?

Trixie: We found it on the internet. We started looking for groups and other friends, and just put ourselves out there. Like I said, there are a lot more people out there than you imagine. People always think, "Oh, it's freaky people, they're not normal." But I found out real quick that you have your lawyers, your doctors, and your teachers. They're very normal people, except maybe we just wanna explore sexuality a little bit more.

[00:05:00]
Host: I definitely feel like in mainstream storytelling, non-monogamous people are usually depicted as weird, gross, creepy, or like they're gonna try to corner you. That is part of the shaming—the narrative is still unfair.

Trixie: Well, there's a stigma that people like us just go and have these huge orgies and have sex with everybody all the time, and it's not really like that. The older I get, I've built a lot of friendships from it. It's not about just going and having wild, crazy sex all the time. You build relationships. If sex happens and you're attracted to somebody, then that's a bonus. I feel really thankful that there are like-minded people out there that you can just sit around and talk sex with, and they don't judge you.

[00:06:00]
Host: I think it's like that for me too. I haven't had lots and lots of experiences, but the ones I've had have been really memorable. I don't think I would have had those experiences had I not met other people that were open to it.

Trixie: Yeah. I have a lot of friends that I've built relationships with that I've never had sex with. And then there are some that I could call up tomorrow and be like, "Hey, you wanna just hang out?" Sometimes we hang out, and sometimes it leads to different things.

Host: When you were in that strip club with that woman, how did you process that experience with your partner? I'm always curious about how people living an alternative lifestyle work through those steps in a culture that doesn't give you a playbook.

Trixie: I was a little shy and backward going into it at first. But once we decided we were gonna meet other people and go places, I dove right in. And I really, really enjoyed it. It was always something I guess I really wanted to do in the back of my mind, but I never felt like I had the opportunity. I was raised that you get married and you just have sex with that same person the rest of your life. That's okay, but it's not for everybody. I think my partner at the time saw that. He knew my sexual history, and he knew maybe more than I did that I wasn't just meant to be in a monogamous relationship.

[00:07:00]
Host: I love that. To me, that's such a gift when somebody sees you and supports you, calling you out into something that's authentic. People like that are really a gift.

Trixie: I was very fortunate that he was understanding. He let me do my thing, and we communicated. We're no longer together, but we're still friends.

[00:08:00]
Host: Would you be willing to tell any stories about those early experiences? What was it about them that made you feel alive?

Trixie: I guess one of my first experiences was with a group of people who had a sports bar. On the weekends, after hours, it was just for lifestyle people. I'd gotten to know them but hadn't had any sexual relations with any of them yet. I just remember somebody taking me by the hand finally and being like, "Okay, if you're gonna do this, let's do it." It just felt really freeing. It's hard for people that know me now to believe that I was a little bit backwards at first, because now I'm the one taking people by the hand saying, "Hey, let's go."

[00:09:00]
Host: Was it a guy or a woman that took you by the hand?

Trixie: It was a guy. I have had experiences with women, not a whole lot, but that first time was with a man.

Host: Was it just you and him?

Trixie: It was just me and him at first. I think they felt like I needed that one-on-one time for my first time. I love it when there's a real sensitivity to what your boundaries and comfort level might be. I've had experiences with seasoned people in the lifestyle, and they handled me with kid gloves. It felt very caring.

Host: They were pretty open about the fact that if you're gonna do this, you have to have good communication with your partner and future partners—setting rules and boundaries. Everybody I've come across has been really good about that. They won't cross those boundaries. I've never had anybody try to push me into doing something I don't wanna do.

[00:11:00]
Host: Once you were more comfortable, are there certain types of experiences you're really drawn to?

Trixie: Not really. I'm pretty open and in the moment. There may be evenings I feel more subdued and want one-on-one, and other times I might get into some group activity. It depends on the person and the chemistry.

Host: Would you say some of the bliss of it is just the freedom to be in the moment and open to whatever evolves?

Trixie: Definitely. There's a freedom there you don't have in the normal world where you have to be careful and sneaky. The openness and total freedom is what I love.

[00:12:00]
Host: For anybody hearing this who is where you were in that small town, what would you say to that version of yourself?

Trixie: Just go for it. It's no fun going through life feeling like you have a need and not being able to follow through. Be cautious and don't go out of your comfort zone. Think things through about what you will and won't do. Don't feel pressure, but do it.

[00:13:00]
Host: Is there something about the type of people you're drawn to?

Trixie: It's all about having fun and feeling comfortable. A lot of my friends say I don't really have a type. There has to be some physical attraction, but it's not all about looks. I just like people. I like to laugh and have fun. If you can listen to me ramble, that's a big turn-on.

[00:14:00]
Host: Is there an experience you've had recently you'd be willing to share?

Trixie: I haven't had anything recent. I had a life change a year and a half ago and I'm single again. I've kind of laid back. I was always in a relationship in the lifestyle before, so I haven't dipped my toes back in yet.

Host: Do you miss it, or are you giving yourself a break?

Trixie: I miss the people and the get-togethers. I don't necessarily miss the sex, because the ones I'm really close to understand what I'm going through. But I do miss the excitement and I'm thinking about going back in.

[00:15:00]
Host: Are there memories you think of as great experiences you'd love to do again?

Trixie: I have so many great experiences. I can't say I've had any bad ones. One of the most memorable was a friend's girlfriend always wanted a girl orgy for her birthday, so her husband arranged it. It was one of the most fun nights. We laughed so hard we cried in between intimate moments. It's about the fun and the connection without judgment. There's no worry about, "Oh my gosh, is he gonna call me tomorrow?"

[00:16:00]
Host: So it's in the moment, with connection but not attachment?

Trixie: Right. Some people can't separate the emotion from it. As human beings, we need that connection, but to me it's not about a relationship connection that may come afterwards. I may never see this person again, and I'm okay with that. I don't sleep with somebody thinking, "Now we're in a relationship."

[00:17:00]
Host: I love that. There's a narrative that says there's something wrong with us if we want a sexual experience and don't want it to turn into a relationship. I'm more polyamorous, so I'm wired for relationship, but I recognize that plenty of people aren't. I love that there's community around that without drama.

Trixie: I definitely don't like the drama. I've never really had drama in the lifestyle. I like being able to run into somebody at a bar and give them a hug and say, "Hey, it's good to see you," without worrying about all the other stuff.

[00:18:00]
Host: I'm curious about some of your stories. I've done gang bangs, been in orgies, had same-sex experiences. I'm all over the place.

Host: Let's start with the gang bang experience. For somebody who hasn't done that but has thought about it, what was great about it? Was there a moment before you did it where you were curious? How did it unfold?

Trixie: Once I started making more friends and hearing other experiences, I was curious. You don't go through life thinking, "Oh, I really want a gang bang," but hearing other people's stories helps. My first gang bang was planned, and I knew everybody involved, so I trusted everyone. After that, I wanted to try it with more people, maybe without knowing everyone. But I made sure I was in a trusted place with trusted people where I could get help if things went wrong. My partner at the time knew me well enough to know my looks and when I was done. He could tell if I wasn't feeling it with a particular person.

[00:20:00]
Host: Is it important to have that friend who knows you to step in?

Trixie: Yes. It doesn't have to be a partner, just a friend who can say, "Okay, she's done with this. We need to move on."

Host: When you're in a gang bang, is it different positions, or does one work best?

Trixie: It's generally different positions. It's uncomfortable being in the same position for very long.

[00:21:00]
Host: Is it the physical sensation, or the excitement of doing something taboo?

Trixie: It's a little bit of both. The taboo and excitement of doing something other people don't do, but also the physical aspect. I've always been pretty sexual, so the feeling is always great. I can't really say I've had horrible sex.

Host: I feel like society could learn a lot from you. There are women who don't experience orgasm during sex. Do you have a sense of why you've unlocked your own sexual powers?

[00:22:00]
Trixie: I'm just a pretty vocal person. I'm not afraid to say, "If this position isn't working, let's try something else," or "I need a little bit more of this." A lot of women feel like they just need to get through it, but I'm not going to fake my way through it. I'm just going to say what I like and don't like.

[00:24:00]
Host: Somewhere along the line, you found your voice. Was there an "aha" moment?

Trixie: I don't know if there was one specific moment. Maybe I finally just got tired of it. I was like, "This is meant to be way more fun than it has been." Once I got out of college, I realized you don't have to put up with "wham-bam, thank you, ma'am." It can be so much more.

[00:25:00]
Host: Talk about that in the context of a gang bang. People imagine it's purely "wham-bam." How did you make it great for you?

Trixie: I orgasm really easy. It doesn't have to be for hours. A gang bang is a little more "wham-bam," but I'm still enjoying the moment. I don't necessarily orgasm with each person, but I can still feel amazing. You don't have to orgasm every time to enjoy it.

[00:26:00]
Host: That's revolutionary. For a lot of women, orgasm is a struggle. It's okay to say, "I need a little more help to get there." It doesn't take a gang bang to orgasm. One-on-one can be just as good.

[00:27:00]
Host: Can you tell me about the orgy experience? Was it planned or spontaneous?

Trixie: There's been both. Usually, the spontaneous ones are more fun. Planned ones have more pressure—you know who you'll be with, and you have to ask permission for everything. In spontaneous orgies, everyone is there for the same reason, so you don't have to stop and ask, "Is this okay?" You just feel it and do it.

[00:28:00]
Host: Can you break down a specific spontaneous orgy that was really hot for you?

Trixie: One of my first was at a log cabin. The owner had a loft that was the "orgy section," with other rooms for one-on-one. My first time, I stood back in awe, thinking, "Wow, I wanna be in the middle of this." There wasn't necessarily a lot of intercourse, but a lot of touching and kissing and moving from person to person. It was just free. The pressure was off. You're not thinking, "I wanna have sex with this person, but not that one." You just do whatever you want.

[00:30:00]
Host: That's really cool. I've witnessed orgies before—once seeing about 16 naked bodies writhing together on the floor. It was almost a religious experience. It seemed so pure, liberated, and beautiful.

Trixie: A lot of people probably think orgies are clumsy, but there's a flow. Once you're with experienced people, it flows really well. Your minds are flowing together, not just your bodies.

Host: Thank you for sharing all this. This is a real gift.

Trixie: Thanks for having me. We could get a little juicier next time.

Host: You were fantastic. I feel like there's a wisdom you possess because of the life you've experienced. It will be a treasure trove for people who have that curiosity and yearning. Thank you for sharing yourself.