Marvin: 0:00

Welcome to Filthy Little Secrets, the show where real everyday women get real about sex. We're here to shatter stigma and trample taboo one candid conversation at a time. My name's Marvin, but my readers know me as Morgan Hale, filthy romance author. And I'm your host for this heart-to-heart chat about something most of us think about, dream about, and even yearn for. But few of us feel comfortable admitting it, talking about it, or celebrating it. So let's get filthy together. Hey everybody. Um I have a super fun guest to share with you today. And this came about because I'm a member of a Facebook group that's a bunch of podcasters, like 75,000 members. And I've been in this group for I don't know, maybe six months, I'm not sure. And when I came into it though, I mean I immediately thought, I'm not sure I'm in the right group because when I was searching the group for anybody wanting to talk about sexuality, there was nothing. And even right now, like if I search the group for the topic sex, I get one result, and there's nothing in the post that says anything about sexuality. I don't even know why this result comes up in the search. And so I was like, oh my gosh, I'm sure they're all wonderful podcasts, but they're about very non-sexual topics. Lots and lots of podcasters talking about everything but sex. But Kris showed up in this Facebook group with a post about her podcast. I'll have what she's having. And uh and I just it lit me up because I'm like, this woman has just stepped in here in this like where we all participate, apparently in this Facebook group. I mean, you know, not to throw too much shade on the group, but where there's no conversation on the topic as though none of us ever think about sex or or have sex. And she's like, I'm I'm showing up and I'm gonna open this invitation up that I'm here to talk about it. And I just love that so much because I there's so much more I know going on in between people's ears and in their private labs, but I think the lack of conversation about it contributes to you know the feeling of shame. So I reached out to Kris and I was like, Hey, I know I'm a total stranger, but would you be you know interested in coming on the show to talk about it? And can I share a little bit of what you wrote back? Because to me it was just I was like, Yeah, yeah, go ahead. So she was like, I love to share, and it's such an important piece of dismantling the shame around sex and normalizing all of our experiences. And I was like, oh my god, this woman was so perfect for this show. So yes, I'm super excited that you agreed to come and talk. So thank you.

Kris: 2:24

My pleasure. It's funny, like you're talking about like, oh yeah, people don't post on this Facebook group very often. And I'm like, I actually didn't even think about it. I was just like, yep, this is what I'm looking for. This is what my podcast is about. Like when I post on social media, I like see like an echo chamber of all these other people posting about sexuality. So it's funny, I don't necessarily see that.

Marvin: 2:42

Yeah, um, I love that you just like stepped into a chamber that wasn't really echoing that very much, and you just to me that's magical and powerful. And and I'm certain there's other people who saw your post, and even it's a little bit like you said, you know, if it dispels a little bit of shame every time we do it, I just believe that it's it's powerful. So yeah. I had also been looking at on your website Kris Hall, which uh for anyone that's interested, of course, this will be in the show notes too. But Kris Hall's K-R-I-S-H-A-L-L dot ca is her website, and she has an about page where I was reading it, and I got emotional reading this because to me I I hear someone who you know at one point in your life you were you felt this like liberation around your sexuality, and then you had an experience that it depends on how comfortable you are sharing. I would love to hear you know more about your experience as like a shutdown, and then you had this like come back fight just to be like, I'm going to experience pleasure in my lifetime, whatever I have to do.

Kris: 3:48

So yeah, I'm happy, I'm happy to chat about it. Um yeah, so I was young and actually me and my friends we used to say young and dumb and full of cum. Um and I loved sex and I had already had quite a few partners and some deeper explorations than most other people my age. And I felt really confident in it. And yeah, I just loved it as a method to connect, as we all do. And yeah, I can actually like I can narrow it down to like the afternoon when like it started, and then it just like amplified more and more. So it was it was pain, right? And it was so psychosomatic, which means like it was coming from my body, it was coming from my mind, and like my mind was compounding what was happening in my body. And yeah, I just started experiencing pain where there used to be pleasure, especially during penetration. And it was awful. It went on for five years at least. Um, I think I keep saying five years in my bios because like that's what it feels like. That's definitely how long it was, but like I just couldn't get out of it and it got worse and worse and worse. And later on I realized, and and through like lots and lots of work, I went to doctors. I went and like there was one doctor who gave me like a bunch of different size, like wax dildos because she thought that would solve the problem. And I was like, I don't think this is my problem. I know some people that's what helps, but like it just it was like a complete rewiring of my sexual experience where like, yeah, where there used to be pleasure, there's now pain. And every time I had sex, it reinforced that narrative and it reinforced that bodily experience. And so it took a lot of like deep nervous system work to get out of it.

Marvin: 5:28

Wow, yeah. Wow, God, that would I mean, I mean, I don't know, but for me, just imagining what that would be like being a sexual person and how important that is to me to feel that like almost like it's just slipping away from me and why this is so important to me. I mean, and I don't know what your spirituality is, but I would be angry at God. I would just be like, This fucking sucks. Why is this happening to me?

Kris: 5:52

Yeah, yeah. It was why is this happening to me? Why is this like why me? And like it started disconnecting me from like myself, right? Because all of a sudden I couldn't have sex the way I wanted to. I wanted to connect, I got excited about somebody, we'd get there, and then all of a sudden it was just too painful. I couldn't have sex, and it was just yeah, it was insanely frustrating and demoralizing, and I felt alone and afraid. And yeah, I had so many moments of why me. Of course, now having you know completely changed my career and moved into a sexuality space, I'm like, oh yeah, that's why me. I needed to go through that, so I knew what was going on there.

Marvin: 6:29

Yeah, yeah. Isn't it wild how I mean it's like, yeah, I mean, I want to look back at my life, things that I went through that were really hard. Why did I have to go through that thing? But it does now make sense. Like if I was gonna, and I'm an author too, so I'm like, if I was gonna write a book, you know, and it was gonna have all these elements, yeah. I probably would have gone through that horrible thing and this really painful thing in order to become the person who you know would live the authentic life that I'm now endeavoring to live, you know, and have the mission and the purpose. And so yeah. So props to you for signing up for five years of something so hard so that you that crucible that you walked through in order to be the person that you are now.

Kris: 7:15

I walked through I walked through the hell and then I walked through like two years of like healing and like all the work to get where I am now. So yeah, it's always possible to change it.

Marvin: 7:26

Well, so can we go back to before all that though? Like just like you so you said you were young when you started to discover that you were a sexual person. There are there certain memories, like I don't know on your on your website. I guess this canoe experience was during that period.

Kris: 7:44

It's funny, I was writing down a bunch of like different sexual stories. I even had to like go look up like the place in Asia where it happened to be like, oh, I wonder if I can get this detail right or like this hostel, right? I'm like, oh, let's shut down now. But I completely forgot about the canoe. Thank you for bringing that up. Yeah, no, I once had sex in a floating canoe and being Canadian, it's extra funny because we, you know, are Canadian canoes, eh? And um, and so we were out at my family cottage on the lake, and yeah, it was me and my partner at the time. Um, and this was the partner like right before all that stuff happened. And yeah, we just got really horny in the boat and then just like we were doing it like doggy style, like as we were floating down this like little part of the lake, and we like looked around, it was like, okay, nobody's watching, so this is fine. Yeah, I'm such an ecosexual. I still get majorly turned on by being outside.

Marvin: 8:33

Oh, yeah, in nature. Well, no, I mean, I would think too. I mean, you're pretty impressive just for the balance that you would have to have. Yeah, I'm still impressing myself, right, and not like fall in the water. That's cool. Do you uh I mean, so I mean, I'm just thinking about that experience for me, because I also have a little bit of an exhibitionistic side, you know, I'd say little, it's really pretty intense, if I'm honest. Has that been a theme for you or no? It was just like you're in nature and it's yeah, it's a theme.

Kris: 9:07

Oh, for sure. Especially like later on in life when I'm like getting better at having, yeah, more exhibitionist sex, more ego sexual sex. Yeah, no, I've I've it's funny, I was I was in the sex room of a party because in my local community, there's a lot of there's a lot of parties that involve a sex room, which is great. Um, which you know, all the consent has gone over and everything, and it's a very safe space to play. But yeah, so like last Halloween, I was in the middle of this sex room and there was like a mattress dead center, and there's like space around the walls. And so we end up getting like a lot of voyeurism. And I was just like after, and we were oh, we like vortexed into this experience. There was four of us. There was some wax play, there was like somebody had some vampire teeth. It was great. And we like vortexed into this this experience for probably about four hours. And it was only at like 4 a.m. when I was finally like, oh, we should probably go to the rest of the party. I was like, I'm not the person to be exhibitionist in the middle of the sex room for four hours in the middle of a party, am I? Oh no, wait, I've done that before. Never mind. Nope, that's me. Okay.

Marvin: 10:06

Turns out, yes. Well, so okay, so you were so at this party, you were like in the middle of the mattress and there were people watching you, or so that is what okay, I got you.

Kris: 10:17

Yeah, and then you're like, sorry, that does the boyism side. Yeah.

Marvin: 10:20

Uh-huh. Yeah. So okay, so there you had the canoe experience in your youth. Look, when did you do you remember like a moment in your youth when you were like, oh, this is how this feels in my body? This is amazing. I love this. Oh, did you have like a kind of a watershed moment where No, I don't think so.

Kris: 10:39

It's funny, I like part of the reason I was drawn to sexuality in like podcasting and in my career um was also just when I was a teenager, I was like, I was like weirdly confident, you know. Like I I had lots of close friends who were like a little bit nervous or like like nervous about sex or nervous about their bodies. And I just remember being like, I'm not perfect, but like I feel pretty good. I like myself, I like my body, you know, like I got this, I'm good. And like I could feel that kind of sentiment spreading in my friends. And I was always the one to bring up sex. Like I so I have this one roommate and good friend who um she didn't have sex, she's only had sex with her husband, um, and they're now expecting their second child. And she hadn't even given a blowjob before getting married or before being engaged, really. And so she like, and I would go into her room and I would sit down and I would like to tell her these stories and tell her like these wild sexual stories. And she's like, Kris, do I need to? And I was like, Can I please share? And she's like, Okay, okay. And then years later, she comes to me, she's like, Kris, thank you so much for talking to me about sex because I feel so much more comfortable now because of it.

Marvin: 11:41

Right.

Kris: 11:41

I still remember she's like driving me home from something, and we're like 26, and she's like, Okay, so my boyfriend didn't believe that I'd never given a blowjob before. So um teach me how to do it.

Marvin: 11:50

It's time, and I was like, Right. I've been waiting for this moment.

Kris: 11:56

I've been waiting. But yeah, I was always the first one to be like, let's talk about it and like be very, very comfortable talking about sex. So I didn't have like a come to, like, oh my god, I love this feeling, but it just always felt like, why isn't more people talking about this? And can we talk about this? And like I wasn't the first person in my group of friends to have sex by a long shot. Some of my friends had sex at like 14, and I don't think I did it until I was 17. Um, but I liked that I waited and I felt really ready when I did it.

Marvin: 12:22

So the experience where the you started to have the pain, what age were you when that started for you? I was twenty twenty two or twenty-three. Okay. Yeah. So you had a few years of you know, like experiencing, exploring, having sex in canoes. Yeah. Just I mean, long enough to really grieve it, I'm sure. But when did you start to because I would imagine it was gradual that it came back for you, right? Or was it like an amazing, miraculous No, it was it was gradual.

Kris: 12:58

And yeah, there was definitely a couple moments where I like, and I knew it was possible because I sometimes had moments where it came back and I was able to have sex without that pain.

Marvin: 13:06

Yeah.

Kris: 13:07

And that was like that was just so hugely important. I was like, wow, okay, it's possible, it's there, but how can I do this consistently? Yeah. Why is this not my normal? And like yeah, yeah. So it was it was gradual.

Marvin: 13:21

Yeah.

Kris: 13:22

And uh yeah, so it was probably around like 27, 26, 27, and I just started exploring. And you know how it is with when something's wrong, like you kind of go through waves where you're like, okay, I have all this strength and courage and hope, and I'm gonna go try a bunch of things, and then you get dejected because none of them work, and then you kind of go back into like that more depressive side. And yeah, so I tried like a pelvic physiotherapist that did not work at all. She was trying to tell me what to eat, and she, I kid you not, she attached electrodes to my like pelvic floor. So, like inside my butt and it's like inside my vaginal wall, and then had me like squeeze so that she could show it on a graph. And I was like, Yeah, dude, like I've got plenty of pelvic floor muscles, I'm fine. This is a problem.

Marvin: 14:02

Yeah, that's not what it is. Well, but yeah, like uh I'll uh you know what I love about that story is you're like, I'm down to try it because I'm going to figure this out. So yeah.

Kris: 14:14

I tried it all. I saw all the doctors, none of them helped, and then yeah, I finally found the solution. And yeah, it involves lots of somatic healing and lots of nervous system rewiring and lots of deeper, very subtle work. Because it because it turned out like it wasn't really the pain anymore. It was like I experienced pain once, and then I was so afraid of the pain happening that like my nervous system wired to fear instead of pleasure, and so I just felt afraid and tense, and there was just all of that layers upon layers of stuff.

Marvin: 14:45

Um, yeah.

Kris: 14:46

So I getting through that is a slow process.

Marvin: 14:48

Yeah. Well, I guess you're a somatic practitioner now. Is that part of it? Yeah, okay, cool. Well, with the experience that you've been through and how tremendously powerful it was for you. I could see how you're like, okay, I'm gonna learn to teach this.

Kris: 15:04

Yeah, yeah. And it was actually like the healing and the teaching actually happened like back to back because it was in one program. I found a teacher who like she was just telling stories where I was like, oh my gosh, that's what I want for my life. And you know, like she painted a picture of women doing sex magic in the forest, which is something I do. I actually lead retreats where I take women through like sex magic experiences and everybody's you know, like masturbating in the same room and it's with a spiritual context, and that sounds so far out of people's comfort zones until they're experienced. Yeah. Yeah. And like I I remember hearing my teacher talk about that kind of experience and me being like, oh my God, I've dreamt that this was possible, but this is actually possible in this lifetime. Okay, sign me up. And like, so the beginning of her program was all about that like self-healing and self-work. And so that's when I got to do all the work on myself. And then so when we were, you know, in the second part of the program and I was learning how to do the somatic work for other people, I was like, okay, I see how this works, you know, like you you've become so much more adept at it when you've gone through it yourself, obviously.

Marvin: 16:07

Yeah. Can we dive into the sex magic thing? I'm really curious about this. A friend of mine told me that she was using her pussy in pleasure to basically, it was almost like she was praying for somebody, but she was channeling her sexual energy, and so she was self-pleasuring, and she was taking the energy in her body and using it to you know send healing vibes to this person, and something incredible happened. And I can't remember the exact story, but she told me about this, and I was like, Where did you even get the idea to do this? This is amazing. I love this idea. So I've heard one other person who came on this podcast talk about she used the term sex magic, but where did this well, okay? So part of how this concept was introduced to you is this teacher, you said, right? For your experience with sex magic, and how would you describe what it is?

Kris: 16:54

Yeah, so sex magic is manifestation using rocket fuel, which is your sexual energy. So it's funny, the way your friend used it is yeah, like it's not wrong, like you can definitely use it that way. I teach it a little bit differently, but I love that it was like sending outward prayers. Um but yeah, so so sex magic, so first sexual energy, right? It's very, very powerful. It's one of the only types of energy in our bodies that we can use and transform into other different types of energy. And so, like, you can breathe it up like through the chakras and like kind of transform it and turn on your entire body. And what that does too is allow you to be in your highest state. You are in all the positivity, all the joy, all the pleasure of your being. And what you're doing is you're combining that energy and that pleasure and that and the possibility of this dream or this prayer becoming true. Right. So, like a lot of people do manifestation by writing down or by thinking about it, by meditating on it, but adding self-pleasure to the mix is the next level. And that's why it's called sex magic. Because like getting what you want is about believing it's possible and like making, like actually removing the obstacles in your way. But then also like you need to have that embodied experience of it being safe, of it being actually possible. Because so much of the time, what people want feels so out of reach because like our nervous system doesn't actually feel like it's possible or safe to have. And so, yeah, this is this is the safety, this is the pleasure. Like, of course, like you're teaching your brain to move towards the thing that feels so good when you're mixing the pleasure and the dream. Yeah.

Marvin: 18:33

Yeah, I mean, because I'm since you're talking about this, I'm just like, okay, I mean, if I think about it, and I have played with this idea since I had this conversation with her. Um but yeah, like when I'm in that state of like really intense arousal or orgasm, all the analytical stuff, it's sort of like that part of the brain just cools off.

Kris: 18:53

Yeah, because orgasms are an altered state of consciousness. Yeah.

Marvin: 18:58

I love it, I love it. Well, okay, so since you have reclaimed your sexual power and your pleasure in your body, I mean, have there been some experiences that you've had that you're like, this is what I fought my way back for, is for moments like this.

Kris: 19:14

Oh, totally, yeah. And it's funny, a lot of them involve nature and some of them involve psychedelics. But yeah, definitely. And so I met my current partner like right after I did all like the deep healing work, and he was able to meet me on like a whole different level in sex that like I hadn't been on before. So maybe I hadn't been attracting someone on that level before, but all of a sudden, everything seemed so possible. And that was two and a half years ago. And so yeah, I've just been having the wildest sex, and we're we're not a monogamous too. So like I've had a couple experiences outside of that. And uh yeah, so there's a couple that it would be amazing to mention, but yeah, one of them was we took like some some micro micro doses of mushrooms, as we like to do sometimes. And um, we like to kind of like access a deeper state of relaxation and connection and even like that feeling of seeing each other as divine. Um, and we went to this, we canoeed over to this like small island. We were just like kind of searching out on like our uh my family's like the lake that that my family cottage is on. So we're just like canoeing out to like find what kind of rock or island could we find? We want some privacy, but we want to be out in nature. And so sure enough, we found this perfect island where there's like a ring of trees around it and this little like stage in the middle for us. Perfect. We park there and we spend probably like five hours just deep diving into like just crazy states of like energetic orgasm and like just there's parts of us that come out that we're like, who are you? But that's okay, we're gonna go with it, and like, oh yeah, that's probably one of my favorites, where it's like, fuck yes, all the work was absolutely worth it for this moment.

Marvin: 21:00

Yeah. And when you say energetic orgasm, some listeners are not gonna necessarily know what that means. Like, could you explain if it's explainable what what that's like to experience and what you mean by that?

Kris: 21:15

Yeah, yeah. So um it's like it's a little bit harder to distinguish, I find, with women and with pussy owners because we tend to our orgasms look like so many different things. Of course, everybody can orgasm in so many different ways, but we like sometimes I kind of conflate the two. I'm like, well, my the orgasm was really intense and it was everywhere in my body, but I also felt it in my vulva. So, like, is it an energetic orgasm? But with men and penis owners, it's really, really, it's really straightforward. It's they had an orgasm and they didn't ejaculate, right? And it's a full body experience where like it's like every single nerve ending and your whole body is just like flexing. And it it feels different every time, right? Because you can orgasm from your breasts or from your ears or from your feet or from your armpits. Um, but a full body energetic orgasm is kind of what it sounds like. It's you're orgasming from your entire body all at once. Um, and it's more on the energetic side, right? Like it's not necessarily that clenching, it's it's like ripples and waves of energy. Yeah.

Marvin: 22:18

Very cool. I don't know that I've really ever experienced that. So, how did you tap into that for yourself? Like where what was your doorway into was this the teacher that you were talking about?

Kris: 22:28

That yeah, definitely the teacher. And then I've started to teach this to other people now too. Because yeah, the teacher taught all the students to be teachers to go, you know, bring out the sex witches into the world.

Marvin: 22:38

Yes, yeah, spread the good news.

Kris: 22:40

Spread the good news. The female punch of revolution is here.

Marvin: 22:44

Uh uh yes, absolutely. I'm willing to. Well, cool. Okay, so that was your doorway. If you were to describe what that is, I guess there's probably multiple modalities might be involved in what you are studying.

Kris: 22:55

Yeah, so there's multiple different techniques. Um, and there's like probably there's probably like up to 10 or 12, like unique, different, like I would call them sexual tools, and I'm not talking about dildos that you can use. And they're they kind of surprise some people. So, like the first one is breath, right? Like doing breath work, breathing in and out through the mouth is really powerful because like it gets you out of your head into your body, and you start to just feel everything on a deeper level. Even sounding. Sounding is the second one, like actually making noise. I know sometimes we think it's like a performative thing, but it's actually really, really it's it's letting out emotions and it's it's making you present and it's like you're sounding the different pieces of you that feel different things. Um, the others would be movement. So like allowing your body to move. Because I know that sometimes, especially pussy owners, we lock up and we like, okay, and like we tense and we tense and we tense. But uh yeah, so movement is another one. Um, energy, learning to move your energy around. Um, I know that that's like directly related to energetic orgasms, but there is ways to teach yourself and to learn how to like actually feel the energy and move the energy through your body. And like another, I think I would mention like top five, the fifth one would be intention that like you have an intention to go somewhere, you have an intention with your pleasure, and that's a really powerful way of like getting there because your body knows where you want to go and and brings you there.

Marvin: 24:16

Gotcha. Very cool. And I've kind of wrapped up several months of doing this like kundalini activation work ever since then. The like movement of energy in my body has been next level. It's and I definitely notice if I'm self-pleasing that yeah, I can feel every just all over my body really. It's like it all starts happening. So I wonder if like I'm teetering on some of what you're talking about, because um, I feel like some of those pieces that you're mentioning are things that I've been not with that intention of of having that experience. I've just been playing with those pieces for different reasons. But yeah, it has been showing up. Like when I saw pleasure, you know, it's like, oh, there's all that. That's here it is.

Kris: 24:57

Yeah, kundalini energy is a really powerful way to use your sexual energy and move it through your body. And yeah, you're definitely teetering on energetic orgasms then. You're almost there.

Marvin: 25:06

It's gonna happen. Very cool. Okay, well, so you had this awesome island experience with a ring of trees. I mean, that sounds almost like the trees grew up just to witness that moment with you and your partner. That's really cool. Are there other experiences that you would like to share?

Kris: 25:23

That yeah, yeah. So there's there's two that come to mind. The first one is oh, they're such different flavors. So one of them involves dressing up like a goblin and wearing butt bogs for way too long. Um, I'll get to that one second. The first one is this okay. So I had a sexual experience with a mango, and it was absolutely superb. So I was in Peru and I was by myself at this hostel, and I had, again, a little bit of mushrooms, and I really needed to use up the mushrooms before I got on the flight because I was gonna go see my partner for the first time in two months in like 24 hours. And so I had this solo experience, and it's this tiny little town in the middle of like desert sand dunes in Peru. And, you know, there's there's no privacy. I'm in a dark dorm. So when I decided I really wanted to eat this mango, there was this juicy, juicy mango that I bought from down the street. And I was like, I want to eat this with my whole body, my whole soul. These mangoes in Peru are so good. Like, I've never tasted mangoes this good. I was like, I need to fully honor this mango's juiciness by eating it with all of me. And the only way I can do that is by going into the bathroom and going into the shower and eating this mango, buckass nude. So I go into the shower and I'm eating this mango and it's dripping down my body. And uh and yeah, I bring myself to orgasm a couple times, and it's it's just a very strong, intense experience. And like I even had moments where I was like, I touched my own levels of shame, like my upper barriers where I was like, oh, is this like too much? If I told somebody about this experience, would it be like a ridiculous experience where somebody looks at me and thinks I'm crazy? Um but yeah, I kept going, I persevered, it was amazing. And then the best part about it is that I then brought it back to my community and we did it in a group. So I brought it up.

Marvin: 27:12

So everybody gets a mango. Yeah, I love this. I'm like picturing this, like everybody gets their mango, everybody. I mean, I guess everybody's naked, and these would have to be good mangoes. Did she bring back good mangoes?

Kris: 27:23

Is that what so we didn't have great mangoes because it was July in Canada, so we used watermelon, but it got really sticky, and yeah, I I introduced it with this story and had everybody like do this solo exploration, and then I could see the energy starting to like mingle, and it was like, all right, guys, let's go. And so we all just like coalesced beautifully, and people were licking each other, and like, and the number one comment was, uh, I don't think I can ever look at fruit again the same way.

Marvin: 27:47

You completely changed it for which is amazing. I love this so much. Okay, so you you oh god, I'm just like I'm going back to this moment in the shower with the mango, you know, kind of thing. So when you said you brought yourself to orgasm, was this just your body responding to your intention and the experience of eating the mango?

Kris: 28:09

I'm I definitely had some clitoral stimulation involved.

Marvin: 28:12

Oh, okay.

Kris: 28:13

Yeah, like I definitely brought myself there with that as well, but it was so close already, you know, when you're like you barely have to touch yourself, it's so turned on the juices, the psychedelic experience. And of like, I truly like the only way to give it full the only way to explain it is to say I was having sex with a mango.

Marvin: 28:32

Yeah, yeah, right.

Kris: 28:34

And that's that was ridiculous, but it was like I highly suggest everybody try it because Yeah, don't knock until you try it.

Marvin: 28:41

You'll never see fruit the same way.

Kris: 28:43

You'll never see it the same way again.

Marvin: 28:45

I love it. I love that. I mean, one of the things I love about you sharing the story is like it will I I feel sure that sure some people are gonna be like that's weird, but there's gonna be people that are gonna be like, what if that's possible for me? You know, because it's like it's like I am certain that we do we've only begun to tap into what's possible for us actually, you know, because I mean first of all, it's so tapped we didn't even talk about it, but I don't know, I feel like it's a a whole frontier that we've just barely tapped into. So there's lots of experiences that I haven't had yet, and I know of them because I've heard someone else because I'm interested, and I'm always like looking into oh, well, what's this thing? But yeah, I mean, lots of experiences I haven't had yet. I think I read somewhere where you mentioned cervical orgasms.

Kris: 29:33

Well, yeah, so like I was talking about the different types of orgasms, cervical being it's it's funny, I just led a women's retreat and we were all talking about pleasure and talking about different types of orgasms, and like so many women were so interested in cervical orgasms in particular. And it's just the very, very end, right? If you go and you touch the very, very end of the vaginal canal, that's the cervix, that's the opening to the uterus. And it is a powerful energy center where there's a lot of tenderness, there's a lot of energy, there's A lot of trauma, but also a lot of awakening. There's just there's so much there, just like the G spot. There's just so much energy in those places. And the orgasms that people have, there's it's funny because the statistics on this are abysmal, right? Like mostly it says, like, oh yeah, most women don't orgasm cervically. But like it really is a misnomer because people don't really know what it feels like because it feels different. Like some people just fully relax in their entire bodies. That's what happens to me. I literally like collapse, and my partner knows it's coming because he'll find the spot and he'll just like keep hitting it, and then I'll just my whole body will collapse and as an orgasm. And it looks different for everybody, and it's like a wildly sensitive, but yeah, wildly sensitive but powerful spot.

Marvin: 30:45

Very cool. One of the things that was kind of interesting to me reading this bio on your website, you mentioned your podcast that the more you learned, the more you realized you didn't want to just talk about it, you wanted to teach it. It sounds like the conversations that you were having on the podcast. Has that podcast served you as much as it served your guests and listeners?

Kris: 31:03

I definitely think so. I think it had a lot to do with finding my voice. Um, because like I said, I was always like really down to talk about sexuality. And I was like the first one of my friends to talk about it. And like if people like I did that test where I'm like, what are the four things that you would like that I would always talk about? And people always say sexuality, and I'm like, okay, cool. So like everybody sees me this way, just like I see myself. Okay. And with the podcast, I mean, it honestly started because I was like super bored during COVID. I was bored with my job and I really need a creative outlet. And I just picked a topic out of like those topics that I absolutely love. And yeah, it was really along the way that it was more like a wait, okay, who's gonna listen to an engineer, which is my last career, who's gonna listen to an engineer talk about sex? Like, I need to have some expertise. I want to have some expertise. I want to be bringing like new a new voice to the table instead of shining the light just on other people, and which is a great thing to do, but yeah, it was like no, no, no, I want this to be an educational thing and I want to be an educator on this.

Marvin: 32:03

Yeah.

Kris: 32:04

So in that way, it did help. Yeah.

Marvin: 32:06

So led you to your new career.

Kris: 32:08

Yeah.

Marvin: 32:09

Like your life's work, your passion, and that's awesome. I'm actually still in the engineering thing. My hope is with my writing to step out of engineering and then to because I just want to, whether it's through this podcast or books or whatever, I just want it to be a safe space for the topic. And yeah, so I love that you created for yourself in your life here and it started for you with your podcast. It sounds like that's very cool. You were talking about that there was a story about bat plugs and dressing up as a goblin.

Kris: 32:39

Yeah, this one's fun. So it was early into dating my partner, and for some reason I went full in on the idea that so we were going to you're going to a Shakespeare play, like a modified Shakespeare play, like the Bard on the Beach kind of vibe where you know they they take a Shakespeare play and then they twist it somehow. And this one was that they were gonna pretend that three goblins were doing the entire play, um, that they like break into the theater. And so we were going to a goblins-themed play. And I decided that I wanted to answer the door as if I was a goblin, because of course I did. I don't know. I don't know why. It was a playful thing I decided to do at the moment. So I put on a bald cap, I got myself some ears and like a long crooked nose, and like I think I put on like a loincloth or something. I don't know. And so I answered the door, like you know, like just pull on like like golem style. And I immediately think, oh God, I cannot let this image cement into this guy's brain. He's only known me for a couple months. Like, I don't want him to picture this goblin. And so I immediately just like rip it all off after I think better of it. And I'm like, okay, yeah, let's go to the theater. Um, and then we were fooling around because I was also wearing like very sexy lingerie at the same time. So we were fooling around before going to the theater, and he told me he had a butt plug-in, and I was like, Well, I'm gonna put one in two then. But I didn't really think about this because his was a short one, mine was a much longer one, and we were sitting down, and so I'm stuck in this theater where I barely understand it because they're all speaking Shakespeare out of giant prosthetic goblin masks.

Marvin: 34:05

Goblin masks, yeah.

Kris: 34:06

And I've got this giant butt plug-in, and I'm thinking, oh shit, this is okay. And so I have to go to like, and of course, it's an outdoor kind of theater, and so I have to go to the porta potty to go take this out. And thankfully I brought a little plastic bag with me. But anyways, it was really funny after the show when we're like fully around outside, of course, um, underneath this tree, and we're like doing hand stuff because it's dark and it's a big tree, so it's fine, even though it's like decently close to the public. Yeah, and that's when he like reaches back and goes, Oh, where's your butt plug? And I went, Yeah, so about that.

Marvin: 34:36

That had to come out.

Kris: 34:37

That had to come out.

Marvin: 34:38

Gotcha. But I mean, yeah, nice. I like your level of commitment that you're like, hey, you got a butt plug, I'm coming with a butt plug too.

Kris: 34:46

I was like, What? You can't have all this pleasure. Oh, I mean, yes, obviously I want you to have this pleasure, but I was like, I want that for myself too.

Marvin: 34:52

Exactly, right? Yeah, nice, cool. Um I feel like you've got probably lots of stories, and I would love to hear all of them.

Kris: 34:58

I do, it's funny because like in the middle of the sexual pain, so I did like a really long solo backpacking journey, like right after the sexual pain started. And so like I did manage to have some sexual experiences that were really, really memorable and amazing. And like I love to, you know, tell people how I threesomed my way across Asia because I kind of did. It was like almost in every country, it felt like I somehow ended up in a threesome, and some of them were completely accidental, like like accidental in a consensual way, but like very much not planned. Um that's kind of like yeah, that's kind of like the category of like my sexual experiences that haven't really been talked about here is like there's early and there's like more adult ecosexual kind of vibe, Kris, and then there's like the middle where it's like, yeah, I had lots of sex in other countries in weird situations where we had to just make do with whatever we had.

Marvin: 35:45

So when you say make day with everybody, so this was during the this was during the painful time where it was difficult to, I guess, have like penetrative sex.

Kris: 35:54

Yeah.

Marvin: 35:54

Gotcha. So it was like, well then let's get creative.

Kris: 35:57

Yeah, and also like it was it was a one-time thing so often because I was always on the move, and like, you know, threesomes offer so many more opportunities to be creative and to, you know, I think I did I'm I'm bisexual and like I I definitely did gear towards women a lot more during that time period, I think, because penetration was so painful.

Marvin: 36:15

Right.

Kris: 36:15

Um and so yeah, it just it offered it's funny when I think back, I'm like, I I guess there was those moments where I wasn't so wrapped up in the pain and the fear, and I was able to be a little more exploratory. Um especially while I was traveling and I felt that kind of expansive adventure spirit.

Marvin: 36:31

Yeah, you know, actually, I mean, I'm gosh, it's been probably five years now that I've been following Dr. Jared Dispenza, these retreats that he does. The power of it is like getting you out of your normal environment, your normal day-to-day to to step out of your life, and that that enables because your body is just has all this neuro wiring to your environment and your usual, and like if you can break that and you can get out of it, that it opens up this opportunity to write new neural pathways, and so yeah, like how cool for E that like you take some traveling, and it's like, yeah, you have a new blank site almost not blank, a lot of things open up for you in terms of being able to create new experiences.

Kris: 37:12

Yeah, yeah. So it was like I was around 24-ish, and yeah, I spent eight months in Asia and three months in New Zealand, three months in Australia. Yeah.

Marvin: 37:19

Did you have an experience during that time where you were like, there's still doors for me, maybe not the ones that I'm used to that I want to recover, but did it go like that, or did you just fly right into it?

Kris: 37:29

And yeah, I remember flowing right in. I I remember a lot of like feeling like myself again. I think that's that's one of the biggest things that I felt like I lost was I didn't feel like myself when I couldn't act on attraction, when I couldn't be that flirty person that I feel like I am. And yeah, like it was like I said, it was kind of like part of my identity was really washed away. And yeah, there was those moments where I did feel like myself. And generally I was able to still be myself up until like the moment where the pain happened, and then that like disconnection would would follow through. But there's definitely some experiences that stand out in my memory, and it's very possible that I kind of just blocked out the part that felt uncomfortable, but that like I was able to kind of, you know, let the other person do the penetration side of it. And like, and I I don't think I'd really identify that until right now, that like those threesome experiences were really expansive because I didn't have to play all the roles. I got to be that third. Um, and I got to play with different parts of yeah, my ability to be in these sexual situations where I yeah, I guess I just I was playing a different role.

Marvin: 38:30

Yeah. I guess like I I mean, was it that your body was relaxed and that opened up?

Kris: 38:35

Yeah, and sometimes honestly it had to do with being drunk. Well, that's yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I just kind of started to notice a pattern where, like, you know, I'd get pretty drunk with some people, and then there'd be some attraction, and then there'd be some sex, and and that while I was in that state of inebriation, I didn't have the cognitive cognitive functioning to be able to even think about the pain, and so it just didn't happen. And I don't know why I didn't clue in sooner that, like, oh, that's because it's coming from my brain, it's not coming from my body. Like, my body's fully able to experience pleasure, but my brain is blocking it.

Marvin: 39:07

Yeah, uh, you're you're bringing this up. Part of the reason why this interests me is I mean, for myself, I was just so heavily indoctrinated when I was younger. And even as a teenager, I was just so resistant to anything, alcohol or any kind of substance, you know, and almost made it a part of my like my sense of identity that I don't do that. But I have definitely witnessed, and it's taken me a while, because I'm in my 50s now, that I've just seen with others, with lovers, that like it opens doors. It absolutely does open doors. And so I guess I don't know what the question is that I'm driving at, except that I'm wondering if you have any thoughts about, yeah, I mean, it does, and here's why.

Kris: 39:47

Yeah, substances and sex. Yeah, let's do it. So what comes to mind is like the when I was in my young 20s, I realized that I hadn't had my very first time with every sexual partner that I'd had up to a certain point in my life, every single time that it was the first time, I had been drunk, or I'd had at least one drink. And I know that that's probably like a confidence and like a nervousness thing and like cooling the nerves, or like it just tended to happen after bar nights, or maybe I I did drink a lot when I was younger. I don't drink so much anymore now. So it's interesting, it's interesting just to note that like in my younger life, I definitely used alcohol to help kind of calm the nerves. And I get that's used that way. Um, and I definitely see that at a certain point you stop being able to connect. And like even now, like even after one drink or two drinks, I'm not connecting with people in the same way. And so I actually would say that alcohol limits your ability to connect and limits your sexual experiences. But it does have a time and a place where, yeah, it relaxes you. Like one drink can just relax the body, relax the mind, allow things to flow just a little bit better. So, like, yeah, it's good. Me personally, I also get really I have a lot of some of my sexual pain actually comes from dehydration. So that has stayed with me. So if I'm dehydrated, it's a little bit more on the painful side. And so, like alcohol dehydrates, and so that's not great.

Marvin: 41:06

Yeah, right.

Kris: 41:06

Yeah. But when it comes to substances, I'm kind of a yes to that, as long as they're used very consciously and maybe in smaller doses. Like, I mean, I've told you a couple of my stories. Like, I also have other substance stories that I absolutely love that, yeah, we did connect on a deeper level because of the substance, but again, it was done like together and in a conscious way and often in a lower dose so that we can stay with our bodies and each other.

Marvin: 41:29

Yeah, gotcha. Interesting. Well, I've yet to really um, I mean, my one story and it didn't involve sex at all. But I was at a burn, and uh there was like a guy that came up and he had I guess it was a blunt, I'm not even sure what it was. This is how not educated I am about these things. But he offered, you know, for me to take a hit off of this thing, and I was like, sure, why not? You know, I'm here to have new experiences and so like I took a puff of it and I was like coughing and then I was laughing for 30 minutes afterwards. I don't even know what everything was amusing. I have been thinking about this some because I have noticed that and it does seem like it has to do with how relaxed the person is able to be and just be in their body where maybe without that it was easier to be in in their head, you know, and and harder to just drop into feeling. I don't know. These are things that I'm observing from the outside looking in, it's just maybe wonders.

Kris: 42:31

And it's interesting too to to think about that breath work can imitate certain substances, right? So like certain types of breath work actually were used to replace LSD when LSD was banned and less available in certain decades, and that like that is still one of the ways you can use breath is to like deepen into your body, into your feelings, get out of your head. And it takes a lot longer. It's kind of like my my analogy is like walking up the mountain versus like getting dropped off on the top with a helicopter, but you can get there and it's still very, very, very powerful.

Marvin: 43:01

Cool. Well, um, so for anyone who's listening to this who would like to know more about you, we're gonna put some things in the show notes. But do you have anything that you would like to share with folks about, you know, here's here's who I am, here's what I have to offer, here's what would you share?

Kris: 43:18

Yeah, yeah. So I'm a sexual empowerment coach, and you can find me at chrishall.ca and yeah, we can work one-on-one to help you through any sexual blocks that you're having. And I also do lots of women's retreats, and I do have a free gift for you if you're listening and you'd like to try out some of these techniques on your own. The breath, the sounding, the movement, the energy. I've got a little 15-minute audio for you to try out on your own and to yeah, just start bringing more of that sexy aliveness back into your life.

Marvin: 43:49

Oh, very cool. Yeah, I think you might be the first guest who had a gift for listeners. I'll have it. Um yeah, we'll have that link in the show notes. And then I know you've also got a podcast, right?

Kris: 43:58

Yes, I'm I'm so used to my podcast, you know, being the podcast I'm talking on. So uh yeah, it's called I'll Have What She's Having. Um, and it's available wherever you listen. And we just hit episode number 50, which is exciting. Uh we just talk all things turned on, sexy life.

Marvin: 44:13

Love it. Yeah, so if you want to listen to Kris talk more about sexual adventures, go check that out. I know I'm going to. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show and for being who you are in the world. I love it. I'm grateful that you are this person and doing the sex magic that you're doing in the world.

Kris: 44:31

Yeah, thank you so much. It's been such a pleasure to talk to you. I love talking about this. It's obviously one of my favorite topics. And uh yeah, thank you for making sex more accessible and more talked about. And yeah, just uh helping people feel like they're a little bit less alone.

Marvin: 44:47

Yes. Hey, thanks for listening to Filthy Little Secrets. I hope we left you feeling light, free, and inspired to explore your filthy sexual horizons. If you want more, subscribe to get all the filthy feature funds. If you're a sex positive woman and like to burn another broad change, I want to talk to you. Wanna come on the show and tell your story? Head to MorganhaleBooks.com slash podcast to learn more.com slash podcast. Until next time, Morgan Hale.