Welcome to Filthy Little Secrets, the show where real, everyday women get real about sex. We're here to shatter stigma and trample taboo. One candid conversation at a time. My name's Marvin, but my readers know me as Morgan Hale filthy romance author, and I'm your host for this heart to heart chat about something most of us think about.

Dream about and even yearn for, but few of us feel comfortable admitting it, talking about it, or celebrating it. So let's get filthy together. All right, everyone. I'm very excited today to get to introduce you to someone that I have just recently gotten to know, and it was a real gift. I. She actually is a mutual friend of, uh, amazing Amy, who has also been a guest on the show who put the two of us together to, um, to get to know each other.

And when we first started chatting, I just wanna read to you what Linda wrote to me because it, I mean, when I read this and I was like, oh my God, I'm so excited for this woman to come on the show and share her story. So she said. This is what I stand for. Honesty in all topics, especially sex. I'm 61, married for 40 years.

We were both virgins and very monogamous. It was never enough for me and oh my God, you are like telling my story. 'cause I have very similar journey, a journey through 20 years of depression. Me too. I'm inserting a little bit about myself in this introduction, but she said until at age 50, I had my sexual awakening and spoke for what I needed.

I ejaculated into my own power. I had 50 orgasms in an hour when our throat heals our yawny heels. When our yoni heal, our throat heals. I didn't leave my husband. I learned how to tell him what I needed. Life was filled with love, joy, orgasms, and no more depression. What an incredible, yeah. I just, so, yeah.

So now I get to, I mean, and everybody, you all get to hear Linda's story and thank you so much for being open to. Share yourself and your, your story with me and everyone who gets the privilege to get to listen to it on the podcast. Thank you. I started to, well up with tears when you started reading it because I honestly forgot I wrote that in like, you know, exactly what I was feeling in that moment and, um, I didn't remember what I had written.

So, uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. And it was, it was so beautiful when you replied back to me saying that your story is so similar, because I'm like, oh my gosh. Mm-hmm. Like, you get me on such a deep level that so many other people would never eat, you know? Mm-hmm. So many people, I'm including my husband into that don't get me.

They just, they just don't understand. Journey. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And it, and it's like a, I mean, I'm sure for you it has been, I mean, it, for me, it for sure has been like a crucible because so much has burned away in the process of, you know, through the depression and the years of, you know, confronting all of the narratives and the beliefs that I held that weren't serving me, and they were contributing to my depression to finally starting to.

I mean, I came out of the hospital with this, you know, resolution that whether it's right or wrong, and I'm using air quotes there, um, I have to find out what will work for me to, to be happy. And that was kind of the beginning of a long road back to myself. Mm. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. So yeah, I do.

Very powerful. So what about you tell us Yeah. Well, the part, the parts that I didn't write in that bio, because I, I, I texted you yesterday and said, warning, I'm a double Capricorn. So I have a whole list of chronological order of how everything happened, but I'll just fill in some of the little blanks, you know, in between of what my, my sort of my introduction to you was that day.

Mm-hmm. Um, so first of all, I just feel deeply honored that you welcomed me so. Beautifully. And that you're doing this, like, this is gonna sound so effing, you know, stereotypical, but that a man really wants to hear a women's truth and not because you're gonna have sex with me afterwards. Right? Because you live far, far away.

I'm in Canada, right? Yeah. And so like, it's very, very deeply healing for me to even know you. And so. Yeah. I cry when I'm happy too. I love it. I love it. Thank you. I'm, I am just so deeply, deeply grateful. Well, I, and I've listened to all of the previous interviews and I'm like, yes. Uh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I mean, I feel, uh, just an incredible gratitude for you for coming and being open to share this because I just, I have personally been healed.

I mean, I was sharing this earlier today with a woman who is planning on coming on a podcast, and it's like, you know, over the course of my life, I've been graced with the privilege of hearing different women's filthy little secrets, and that. Those gifts that, that met me along the journey were, each one of them was like a key and a lock to help me heal, shame about my sexuality.

And so, you know, I, I'm such a believer and the power of a woman's story about her sexuality, because it's been so profoundly healing for me, so, mm-hmm. I feel that I'm the lucky one for you to come here today and to share your story and, you know, and, and because you have gone through this journey and you have experienced a sexual awakening and you have wisdom to share.

So I, I'm just very grateful that you're here and, um. Yeah. Sorry. You continue. Yeah. Okay. Well, filling in the blanks when I was 17 mm-hmm. I, and this was 1981. Okay. So it wasn't cool to be gay. Ah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Like that, that just was never talked about, ever. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, and I mean that in a, in a respectful way, like I, I think it's great now that people can speak about it and not be, um.

Like I was in the military and so like, you're not speaking about it. Right? Right. And I actually had a girlfriend and a boyfriend and they knew each other. Uh, he didn't know what was going on, but she knew what was going on. Um, that lasted about a year or so. And uh, it ended up that I ended up choosing him because I couldn't imagine.

Trying to be with her in 1981. Like, yeah, it would've been a hard, hard road to travel. Sure. And, um, and I totally loved him. Like that wasn't, that wasn't, you know, like the word polyamory now, when I first heard about it, whatever, ten-ish years ago, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is freaking amazing. You know? Um.

That would've been my road. I know if, if, if that would've been a thing back then or, you know, I'm, I'm in the middle of Canada. We're pretty conservative here. Right, right. Yeah. Um, it's not like I'm from Toronto or, or Vancouver or something where there's definitely more, um, access or. Visibility. So when we got married, uh, I was 21.

We were both virgins. I had actually begged him to have sex with me before we got married and he just refused. Very good Catholic boy. And unfortunately, um, my vaginal opening was extremely small and his penis was way too big. Mm-hmm. And it was very painful. It was lots of tears and I. Can't even tell you how many times I would lay there bawling because we just couldn't get the penis in.

Mm-hmm. The only person I felt safe, and I'm using air quotes, was my older sister. She was a nurse. She'd gotten married a couple years before us, and I just thought, okay, I don't know who to talk to about this, so I'm just gonna ask her. And she said, well, you're just, you need lube. So I went and bought Ky Jelly from the drugstore, and, and then about a month later she, we were getting on the plane to go to our honeymoon, late, late honeymoon, and she gave me the book Sex For Dummies, which I, I know looking back, that was a really big gift of love from her.

But at the time, I just felt so broken, so stupid, and I never read the book. Mm-hmm. I was so embarrassed. I'm sure it's a great book. I don't know. 'cause I never read. Um, then we had two children, miraculously we got the penis in and um, after the second child was born, they sewed me up way too tight. So getting the penis in again wasn't happening.

And we just, just opted out because it was so painful. And he'd say, I don't want to hurt you. So we just opted out for, you know. Pleasuring each other and the penis just never entered anymore for years and years and years and years and, and also his libido is so different from mine. So once a week was way enough for him.

Maybe once every two weeks would've been perfect for him and for me, I would've liked it two or three times a week. So it was very difficult for me to understand like in society at that time. I was weird, you know, because the norm was that the man had the ferocious appetite for sex and the woman was just the housewife or whatever.

Yeah, I felt really broken. That's when the depression came in. And um, I actually, uh, was a professional belly dancer for many, many years and taught belly dance and had my own studio and, um, I would have people come up to me, women and men, and say. Oh, you're so beautiful and you're so sensual and oh my God, your husband's so lucky.

And oh my God, um, you must have sex all the time. Mm-hmm. Which just made me feel more broken. I. Because that wasn't what was happening. Right? Yeah. And when they would say that to me, the person who I wanted to say that to me was my husband. Like, you're just so beautiful and sensual and I just want you.

And he wasn't saying it. So I believed that I wasn't. Mm-hmm. And that just created more depression. So when I was 50, I'd had enough. Um, I just couldn't imagine going on anymore in the sexless. So, and I, and not that we didn't have sex, we still just had it once a week, but it just wasn't enough for me.

Right. Yeah. So there was this big gaping hole in my heart, in my yoni, like everything, right? Um, so I actually said to him, I love you and I, we need to go to counseling or something because I can't continue on like this. If, if we, if I don't get more sex, I'm. I, I'm, I have to leave. Like I have to leave. And so we went for several sessions and she was lovely.

And I would baw my head off the whole hour and he would be like, with these big eyes, like, oh fuck, this isn't getting any better after months. Right? Hmm. And, um, and so he said, I, I'm not going back there. 'cause it just feels, I feel awful. I feel like I'm a shit when, when I go there. Like, I haven't done anything good this month.

And I thought, well. You just haven't done enough. 'cause all I'm asking for is affection. Like walk in the house and look in my eyes and say, how's your day? Mm-hmm. You know, stuff like that. Um, and when I was so, so it ended up that I had a date in my head of when I was leaving and I was giving him this year.

I was giving him this year to be able to step up with that sticky note. It's a yellow sticky note that said, hug me five times a day. Tell me you love me. Tell me that you're happy I stayed. Um. Simple stuff. Yeah. Right. I felt like an idiot writing a sticky note to my husband about how I wanted to be loved, and the counselor said, well, can you be patient with him through this, Linda?

I said, okay, fine. I'll be patient. But I've been saying this for years. Right, right. Yeah. Um, I did a, I did a whole bunch of body talk, which is brilliant energy moving. I did a whole and belief system like the BS just outta your head. I did a whole lot of EFT, which is emotional Freedom tapping and those two things I was doing, like, I think I was doing EFT every week and Body Talk every month for the year that, that I was waiting.

And, um, can you, um, I mean I know since we're not doing video at this recording, but do you think it might be possible to explain for listeners who might not know what those things are, what, what you were doing? So Body Talk, basically the the person who like me laying on the table, I don't do anything.

There's not a whole lot of talking. The practitioner actually talks to your body and they'll do some sort of muscle testing where they, um, get a yes no answer from your body. And I did go on to take the training to become a Body Talk practitioner and um, and that was the weekend that everything changed for me actually.

And so EFT. Is emotional freedom, tapping or therapy depending on how you, who you talk to and you're just tapping your body on the, on the meridian lines to, um, disrupt the old patterns. And I find, especially EFTI find it to be so powerful when I'm in the emotion. 'cause I've been sitting there and saying I'm really angry.

Uh, I'm really angry and I'm tapping away, and I'm tapping away and I'm really, really angry. But when I'm really, really angry. If I tap, then it's just like a lightning bolt goes through my body and I disrupt those old patterns when I'm, when I have the emotion tears or anger or whatever emotion. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So then like coming up to that year, I ended up taking the Body Talk course and it was a four day immersive and uh, um, I pretty much cried. All day for four straight days, I just cried and cried and cried and just all this grief was coming outta me, all this disappointment. And, um, uh, the, the teacher kept saying, Linda, you know this.

And by that she actually meant in my knowing, my inner knowing, I was already a natural healer. And, but trying to remember the patterns of the body talk was just confusing. But what happened was I came home and my son and I weren't fighting anymore. My husband and I weren't fighting anymore. And by fighting, I mean silent treatment, right?

There was no yelling at our house. Um, and I read this article about Reza, and it's an Italian word, A-R-E-Z-Z aza, and it means to caress. Mm-hmm. But the practice of tza is pleasure with no goal of orgasm, and I wanted to try this. Mm-hmm. 'cause they had talked about it in the article about how like powerful this is and how healing it is.

And you come, you're getting so close to the orgasmic climax, but you just breathe through it. So you actually expand, you breathe through that, that pleasure, and then it'll take you to the next level. So this was my first introduction to sort of orgasmic meditation or ing. And, um, or extended massive orgasm.

Also, there's a whole following of that as well. But I'd never heard of any of those before. Mm-hmm. So we practiced the Reza and, um, I thought, okay, in my mind, 'cause my mind was racing all the time. I'm going to breathe if I have an orgasm. Oops. You know? Right. Like, oops, I have an orgasm. I guess we're done for today, Uhhuh.

Um, but, but even I learned that the word orgasm and the word climax are very different. In the body. So I was actually having these heightened states of whoa amazingness. And I would breathe, breathe, breathe, inhale, inhale, inhale. And it would take me up to another plateau. And then I would, he would pleasure me, pleasure me.

And then I would breathe when I felt like I was getting close, and it just became this beautiful, massive, orgasmic trance. I was ejaculating all over the bed and we were grabbing towels and there was this big pile of towels and it was just like, what is going on? And I just felt like, wonder Woman, you know, like hands in fists on my hips, standing with this leg apart and then all this ejaculate coming out and just like healing the world, you know?

Yeah. That, that is how it feels to me when I ejaculate. It just feels like the most incredibly powerful, beautiful thing. Yeah. And I didn't even know it was a thing. Like this was, this was like the beginning of my awakening of there's a, there's a thing women ejaculate and you can have many, many of these incredible orgasmic situations without climaxing.

Because every time I would climax, and I've talked to many women about this, you are done. You're like, okay, close legs, don't touch me anymore. Don't look at me anymore. Don't even breathe near me anymore. 'cause I just had a big climax. Right. So, um, yeah. Yeah, my life changed overnight. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

And then we went on and we learned about buying the mats that collect all the juice and, you know, then you don't have to do a million towels in the wash all the time and that good stuff. And so I, I learned a lot about Jaya. Jaya is, um, the erotic blueprints, which I know some of your other guests have talked about.

And her, her work changed my life because when I found out that I was essential. I need the story and I need the candles, and I need the music, and I need the foot rub for half an hour before I'm ready for someone to come even up to my knees. Right? Like, I'm not wrong, right? But my husband is a pure sexual, so all of this was just like, what a waste of time.

Why are you setting up candles? We're just gonna be done in a few minutes. You know, like, and it's like, no, we're having a date every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning for two to three hours, and it's all about me. All about me and it was, and I got what I wanted and we did all sorts of amazing and wonderful things and, and I was glad I stayed.

I was glad I stayed. And, um, I also learned about, uh, Lela, Lela Martin, who does beautiful work as well. And I was in her portal for two years. Um, and it's all about self pleasuring, right? And knowing what it is that you, what I want, what do I, how do I wanna be touched? And also healing all the wounds, because in that amazing, she calls it sex magic, that orgasmic trance.

Is so healing and the memories that would come up. And remember, I've only ever been with my husband, so even just memories of boys I had crushes on. I'm like, what are you doing here? I haven't even seen you since high school. And you are in my yoni. You're stuck in my womb space. I didn't even kiss this boy.

I just had a crush on him. So that really taught me the, the, the significance of how magnetic our yoni and g-spot and clit and everything is. And so we're, we're holding onto everything, not, not only what we have in this lifetime, but ancestral and, you know, concurrent lives that are happening, parallel lives that are happening.

It's all in our womb space, so we gotta clear that out, which, you know. I'm jumping outta my chronological order, so I have to stay on track 'cause it'll drive me crazy otherwise. Um, but I do wanna, I wanna add that, um, I did go and take the mastery course with Mama Gina. So Regina Thomas Hower, who wrote Pussy, super powerful.

Super amazing. She's a powerhouse. I love her and what she does with women and um, the tools she teaches if you use them, they work. They work. And, um. Yeah, she's, she's fabulous. Um, so de Armoring is a beautiful process that no one really taught me, but I'd heard about it. Layla had talked about it many times in, in the sessions still the, this mysterious word, de armor, de armor, de armor.

And basically it's, it's holding, it's like being with. That piece of your body, wherever it is, if it's your clit or if it's inside the, the VA vaginal canal or your G-spot or whatever. And um, so I was with a practitioner and um, she had her finger inside of me and, uh, she was holding, just holding. And I'd had her done this, she had done this with me, with my heart, um, the first time she ever did it, you know, at least 10 years earlier.

She was holding my heart and she said, I just wanna hold your heart. It was the end of a massage, like a normal massage. 'cause I hurt my knee. And she said, can I just like hold you for like 10 minutes? And I'm like, yeah. So she held my heart and I just went into this incredible meditative bliss and she was weeping and I was just like bliss out.

So when she said to me that she was now doing the Jaya work, plus her beautiful somatic work that she was doing from before, um. She held the left upper side of my, the inside of my vaginal canal, and all of a sudden I saw my sister handing me the book Sex For Dummies. Hmm. And my g-spot dropped and she nearly jumped off her chair and she says to me, did you feel that?

And I said, yeah, I felt that it was like a dungeon door had just been blasted open. Yeah. And I realized that my G-spot, which was always in the way of putting the penis in the vagina, was actually protecting me, but it was a belief system that I was stupid 'cause I didn't know how it worked. Mm-hmm. So diaring is really, really, really powerful.

Mm-hmm. One of the things that I did, um, oops, see, I forgot to write this down. It just came into my head. It was so beautiful. Um, I worked with a Fitz Morris voice coach. Okay. And, uh, she, her and I had actually been hairdressers together and we were friends and she was always doing these voice things and I'd heard so much about it and I was like, I wanna do these voice things with her.

So I phoned her up one day and I said, okay, I wanna just buy a package of 10 and I'm just gonna come for these privates. 'cause every time she had a workshop, I was busy. So I'm expecting to sing. Yeah, right. Okay. I come to her apartment and there's piano. And there's a yoga mat on the floor and she goes, okay, let's, let's get you down on the yoga mat.

And I'm like, we're gonna sing with me laying down. This was weird. Yeah. What I didn't understand at the time, 'cause this is like possibly five or 10 years before my sexual awakening at 50. Yeah. And she said to me, she had my feet up, like, uh, my knees in the air and my feet, you know, flat on the floor. And it was the whole somatic, you know, trauma, the tremoring and everything that is very popular now.

And, but it, I had never heard of it or seen anything like this. And, um. She asked me if I could imagine my womb space, what would it be? Would it be like a, you know, a wooden bowl or would it be me outta the clay or something like that? And I said, oh, it's a crystal bowl. And she just was shocked. I've never had someone speak of it as a crystal bowl.

And, and that's how I've always felt is that like how sacred our, our, not only our body, but our womb space and, and cervix and. Every part of, you know, the whole beautiful female genitalia is so incredibly sacred. And also the male, I'm not excluding, I'm just saying, yeah. We as females haven't been taught that, or at least in my era, we certainly weren't taught that it was sacred and beautiful and holy and a trans mutational portal, literally.

So, um, yeah, that, so, so the funny part with her was. Um, because one, I, I knew her and trusted her, and two, I didn't have a clue what was going on. So I had no preconceived notions. And I just started wailing and bawling my guts out. And she was just like, well, Linda, keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Mm-hmm.

And then I would hold my breath and I didn't know I was holding my breath when I was like, expressing grief. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And so she, you know, taught me how to just keep breathing through that and allow myself to breathe. And also. Release the vocals and everything. Right? And that's when I really learned, without her speaking it, without consciously understanding that when you heal your vocal cords, when you speak up for what you want, when you express your grief and your anger, which women are not supposed to do, when you express that, you heal your journey.

When you heal your yoni, you heal your vocals and you, and that the tissue is the same, the shape is the same. Mm-hmm. If you look at the throat and, and the vagina. Right. Like, but it's just so perfect. Mm-hmm. And, um, and I would, I would be, you know, having sex with my husband and afterwards, you know, this big orgasm and, and all of a sudden I'd burst out crying and be bawling my head off and he'd be like.

Big eyes, oh, what just happened? What's going on? I'm like, mm-hmm. This is good. This is good. Yeah. I don't know why, I don't know what's going on, but just be quiet and hold me. Right. Yeah. So he's really been through a lot with me, um, for sure. Like this whole big massive learning curve and yeah, when I was in.

So here's my filthy little secret.

When I was in the, uh, mastery program in New York mm-hmm. And I was studying with Regina, um, the thing that my husband does not do, will, not do, cannot do for me or with me, is to lick my yoni Won't do it. And, um, I, I mean, in my class there were 450 women from all over the world that would come in for these weekends.

Mm-hmm. And uh, on the first weekend I met a woman who lives in New York and she's considerably younger than me. I think she is. Um, yeah. 20 years younger than me. And, um, we just became immediate best, best heart sisters. Like so deep with her. And, um. It ended up in the following weekends, I would come and stay at her place instead of a hotel.

And then we would go to the, the workshops together. And um, what was so gorgeous was how when you heal the sister wound, things that you can't imagine happening into your life. And I had this desire that I wanted. Someone to lick my yoni. 'cause I can't do it myself. Like, I'm not very good at yoga, you know?

Mm-hmm. And, um, so she, at the time she had just been divorced and she was, you know, exploring her life and her sexuality, and she had several lovers and we were together. And I just said, I'm gonna say something completely insane. And you, I, you, you're gonna say no, and it's okay, but I have to voice this.

You see again, the voice, right. I said, I really, really wanna be licked. And she said, oh, totally, totally. I'll text him right now. And she texted him and he said, yes. And I was like, is this even really happening? And he lived in Brooklyn and so we took the. Train to Brooklyn and yeah, we went up, it was, it was, you know, summer, it was June, so we went up on the rooftop looking out, you see New York, you see Brooklyn?

And, and I thought we were just meeting to chat. Like I thought this was gonna be like, you know, hi, shake hands, however you, and anyway, he is, he is got, he is just like such an evolved human that he's just like, okay. What? What do you need, Linda? Mm-hmm. I said, well, this is what I need. And he goes, okay, well let's do this.

I feel that every woman has a right to be loved the way that she wants to be loved. Mm. And there we were within minutes, like I was laying down and he was licking my yoni and I told, I warned him that I ejaculate like a fire hose. And he is like, I love it. I love it. Mm-hmm. And so, so was this on the roof happened?

I mean, to me that would be such a magical place to do that. Like I'm looking up at the star at the sun. Oh, that's incredible. Like this was like four o'clock in the afternoon. I'm looking up at the sun and I'm like, I can't even believe this is happening right now. Oh, wow. And what was really beautiful was I had told my friend, I need you to take some photos because I'm gonna be so, almost like out of my body in a way, in my body and outta my body at the same time that I'm not gonna remember it.

In the way that I wanna remember this. Yeah, yeah. And so she's, she's a photographer, so she was taking some photos and, um, and, and I mean, not that her and I were lovers or anything, but it was all just beautiful. It was, everything that was happening was just pure love. Like her asking him, him saying, yes, me receiving.

Mm-hmm. And, um, yeah. And we did, we did meet later night, that evening, but it was just like, like the hi again. You know, just the handshake. And there was no like, okay, now we're gonna be lovers for the rest of our life. 'cause that's where Linda's brain goes, right? I wanna be, I wanna be in this romantic, you know, sensual story, right?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which brings me back to Jaya. So I need to go back to Jaya. Okay. Yeah. Let's go back because Jaya, so Jaya changed my life. 'cause when she had the quiz, right, the, the first quiz she ever had was very simple. And I even as I was answering some of them, it's like, yeah, but it's that and that, how come I don't get the choice of that and that I can only just get A, B, C or D And I'm like, gee, I want more choices, right?

So, um, that original quiz, I was sensual. So that wasn't a surprise. I was a belly dancer and I love fabric and juicy, yummy things and, and my husband is sexual. So then it was like, oh my gosh, I didn't see him as an asshole anymore. Mm-hmm. It was like, oh, this is his blueprint. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He is not just wanting naked sex.

He is a jerk. He is just wanting naked sex. 'cause that's what fills his blueprint. Yeah. But when I spoke for what I needed and I lit the candles and I made a playlist of music and, and I had like, like the whole bedroom was just like yummy divine, very sensual, very goddessy. And he is like, yeah. And we had these huge drapes.

Um, that behind the drapes was a mirror because I wanna watch us do sex. Right. And it was a massive, me, like the whole wall. So then I would just close them and no one would knew that the, the mirrors were back there. Right. Because we still have kids and grandchildren and everything. Yeah. And um, and then we had toys and things and, and so yeah, Jaya was just like a life changer.

And a year later, um, I wanted to revisit it. Because it felt like, I wonder if we took the quiz again, how, where that would lead us. Oh yeah. And she had new quiz. And the new quiz gave you that, uh, option. Yeah, this and this, right? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So I did that quiz and I came out with, uh, I was I 50% energetic and 50% sensual.

And then that made so much sense because once my sensual. Was satiated and I'd had my feet rubbed for an hour before he even came close to my knees and then my yoni, right. When all of those beautiful things had happened over the course of that year, then my energetic, which means you don't even have to touch me and I can have an organs.

Right, right. Yeah. That was safe to come out. Wow. So then that took our sex to a whole new level that he didn't understand. He's just like, I don't understand. Why am I waving my hands over you? And I'm like, no, just no. And then I was having like armpit chasms, like he was, you know, stroking my armpit and I'm like, oh my God.

And like just having another orgasm and touch my nipples that he never was allowed to touch before in those vanilla years. And then I thought, what if, what if the sensation that I'm thinking is tickling, that I'm thinking I don't want, is actually orgasmic pleasure? And so then it's like, oh my God, I'm having an orgasm from him, touching my, my nipples and not even touching my yoni at all.

And, um, yeah, Jaya's work, I, I had for, I don't know, was it four years? I had, um, my erotic blueprint, birthday bash. And the first, yeah, the first year I had, I love that. Oh, it was amazing. It actually redecorated the whole house for it. Mm-hmm. And as retired belly dance teacher, I had buckets and buckets of fabric.

So I just hung fabric everywhere and made these tent kind of ceilings and everybody paired off and went to different bedrooms. And we would have like a feather and a fork and a fur and your finger and we would like touch each other. Totally not sexual only from, Hmm. And we would all dress in our erotic blueprint and, and, um, that group, yeah, we, the, there was originally 10 and the next year there was six.

And it just sort of happened, you know, back and forth where it was big and small and intimate and. Fun and loud and, but every year, yeah, it was Erotic Blueprint, birthday Bash, and it was amazing because then all these people understood or were introduced to Jaya and introduced to Leila Martin and introduced to Mama Gina and yeah, so my friends all speak the language, so Yeah.

Yeah. Let's like kind of form tribe around it and you know. How is that like kind of coherence with each other and, and then also the beautiful thing, like when I was deciding if I was going to take the JIA course and become a Jia coach. Mm-hmm. Take the Layla coaching, or take Regina's coaching, and Jia and Layla were a whole year long and I thought, I don't know, just not feeling it.

I'm not feeling like I can honestly commit to a year and all the money. And Regina was four months, and I thought that I can commit to, I can commit to solidly doing the work for four months. And that was exactly where I needed to be. Yeah. Because, um, yeah, because then out of my experiences, one of my good friends became a JIA coach, and one of my other friends became a Leila coach.

So we all kind of like, you know, just benefited from all this gorgeous yumminess. Mm-hmm. So here's my, here's what's happening as of the last three years. Okay, cool. So that's my big sexual yummy amazingness, and thank you for letting me share that story. Mostly chronological. Thank you. That was perfect.

That was beautiful. Mm-hmm. Um, so seven years ago, my sister died from suicide and that was in the middle of our amazing sex stuff. And, uh. It was about a week after she died, and I, I wanted sex. Like we hadn't had sex that whole week and my husband was, you know, being patient and kind and everything, and, and at one point he said, you know, we don't, it was probably an hour.

And he said, you know, we don't have to do this, right? Like, because I was crying and stuff and I said, no, I need to do this. Yeah. And as soon as that got spoken, then I could climax. Hmm. And for those five or 10 minutes, I didn't think about my sister. Hmm. But it shifted our, our times in the bedroom and it became sort of back to once a week and my libido had dropped because I was grieving and, and, um, so, um.

It, it was still good, but those really intense years of exploration and me just researching everything and reading everything I could get my hands on. Um, yeah. And then Covid happened and, um, I was sick with Covid and my son got married and I wasn't at the wedding, and that just about broke my heart.

Mm-hmm. And so I found, um, a mentor. Who is also a shaman and he was, um, offering, you know, just a body of work to heal the world basically because of what was going on and the traumas that were happening and people dying and stuff. And um, and it just resonated with me. And so I've been with studying with him for three years now and spent a month in Mexico last April.

And what is so incredible about this. Interesting wave of life that I've been riding. 'cause I'm like, my, my, my beautiful friend in, in New York always says, you're like a professional surfer, Linda. You've just always got the good waves. And I don't know how to surf, but she always sees this as that, that I'm surfing these waves of grief and joy and pleasure and.

And everything. Um, so she, um, so the empowering women through belly dance, falling in love with the pieces of their body that, oh, my boobs are too big. Oh, my hips are too small. Oh, my boobs are too small. Oh, my hips are too big. Oh, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I heard it all. But through those 25 years of teaching, it was like, I don't care what you look like.

And my students were always a variety of shapes and sizes, and people would say to me afterwards. Wow. You, you empowered them, not because they're 20 years old and they're cute and skinny. Mm-hmm. They were all, you know, 40, 50, 60 years old getting on stage for the first time in their life. So women's empowerment was always super important to me.

And when I retired from dance, um, I just really didn't know what I was gonna do with my life except that I was having this sexual awakening, which was like, what blowing my mind? So I'm like, okay, this is cool. Then I'll be like a sex coach and people would say, are you gonna go to university and get a degree and become like, you know, a master of sex coaching or whatever it's called?

And I said, no, because I just lived this. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna leave, but I stayed. Yeah. I asked for what I needed and I got it. I healed my yoni, like I healed my heart. So no, I'm not gonna go to university and learn this stuff from a book. And so, um, then when my sister died, I thought that I was going to become a grief coach because I was so consumed by that.

Mm-hmm. And I knew how to help people grieve. I would call people up. I'm ready to dance my fucking head off tonight. Like, I mean, I. Smash the floor, hit pillows, throw things, rips clothes. I'm ready to do the grief dance and I do wanna come. And every month we would have a gathering and, and we would work through our grief and our anger and, and, uh, and on the anniversary of my sister's first, the first year, it was like, wow, I did that.

Like, I did it like it was a job because it was a job. I needed to do everything every day and cry and lay on the floor and do everything. And I don't think I'm gonna be a grief counselor. Mm-hmm. But what I realized is how much grief and anger is stuck in our, in our womb space. So meeting this shaman, my history of women's empowerment, my history of grief, all comes together in this beautiful thing that I do now, which is just be me.

And the sessions that I do with people or group work, I just did a beautiful weekend last weekend with a group, um, is healing the sister wound, healing the matriarchal wounds, healing our ancestral lines, emptying our wombs, emptying our womb space because nobody needs the boyfriend they had a crush on in high school, stuck in their yoni still.

Mm-hmm. So. That's what I do, and I'm still doing the women's empowerment, and I'm still doing the grief work, and I love every moment of it, and I just feel so honored. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I like I really, last weekend was such a turning point for me because I really saw, even though I've been pulling it together over the years, and I've been doing all of these pieces with everyone over the years, last Saturday I saw the like keel pieces all come together.

And I saw each one of these beautiful women as like the great shining whole person that they already are. Mm-hmm. And as soon as that grief and anger can come out in a safe place, more light comes into the body and the healing is already happening. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that story. Thank you.

Well, so, so with what you're doing now, what do you, um, I dunno, what do you see for yourself, like going forward? Are there things that call to you that you're like, okay, um, or are you just taking it a day at a time or what, what Well, it, it's so beautiful because out of last Saturday's event with these six women, um, I have already booked four other sessions.

And I phoned my daughter in the morning and I said, I wanna do this every weekend. And she is an entrepreneur. And I said, I wanna do this with your team. And I phoned three other friends and I said, I need to do this with your group and your group. And I'm, I'm in, I'm in those groups. But, um, yeah, like, uh, like I know the people, but I, I want someone to host me.

Mm-hmm. And then I come in and I do what I do and be who I am because I know that some of the transmission is coming through me and it's. Um, it's from all the experiences of my life that have been put together and how comfortable I am, um, with people's grief and with people's anger. Mm-hmm. I am not afraid.

I am not afraid. Women are so afraid that if they let you know, like if they just peek that little door on the anger that the lid is gonna blow off and it'll never be able to be put back on. And it's like, that's not how it works. You, you come here, you, you, you throw pillows, you scream, you, you cry, you rip your shirt, whatever you need to do.

And eventually you're gonna be spent. Then you lay out and you receive and you fill, and there's the womb clearing and all that good stuff. And so, um, like yeah, the, the, the, the feedback that I get from, from women when I do the womb clearing is, is really so deeply touching. And I even know men who've had womb clearings.

As a proxy for their mother. Mm-hmm. So they were in her womb. Mm-hmm. So they can help clear her womb. Mm-hmm. Which is so incredible energetically. Right. And I know that as I, the more that I work with women, the more that I clear my space because I'm still working on me. I'm, we're all at work in progress.

Right. And, and every time I am doing my work, I'm also doing my work. Mm. And my daughter and my granddaughters are benefiting from that because I see how different they are than how I was raised. So yeah, I think that's a beautiful wrap. And, uh, and check Linda gloriously out. If you feel so called. I think, you know, clearly there is much magic, uh, to, um, to connect with.

So thank you for being on the show. My pleasure and my honor. Thanks for listening to Filthy Little Secrets. I hope we left you feeling light free and inspired to explore your filthy sexual horizons. If you want more, subscribe to get all the filthy future fun. If you're a sex positive woman, he'd like to burn another Bri of shame.

I want to talk to you. Wanna come on the show and tell your story? Go to morgan hale books.com/podcast to learn more. That's M-O-R-G-A-N-H-A-L-E books.com/podcast. Until next time, this is Morgan Hale, encouraging you to keep it real and filthy.