SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Filthy Little Secrets, the show where real everyday women get real about sex. We're here to shatter stigma and trample taboo one candid conversation at a time. My name's Marvin, but my readers know me as Morgan Hale, filthy romance author. And I'm your host for this heart-to-heart chat about something most of us think about, dream about, and even yearn for. But few of us feel comfortable admitting it, talking about it, or celebrating it. So let's get filthy together. Hey everybody, I'm excited for you to meet a friend of mine, Anna, who uh I met at a Dr. Joe Dispenser retreat two years ago in San Diego, California. And uh just so also happened to be the case that my life partner is related to her husband. So we had dinner and I got to know them and they're wonderful people, and she is this bright, shining, manifesting, entrepreneurial, amazing person who uh is super fun just to watch on social media, always doing creative, cool things. And so I was super excited that when I kind of put the feelers out on my social media asking for who would like to come and talk about sex, that she was like me, I'll do it. So thank you, Anna, for being here.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

My pleasure. I mean, seriously, the when I saw it, your post, I'm like, yes, like why not? Knowing that you know that I used to talk about it. And and I mean, you know, I will talk about it to my girlfriends now and stuff, but I mean, anything for the cause, right? It's a topic that's near and dear to my heart because I believe that more women need to be more open about it and needs to love it and enjoy it, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Yes, yes. So I love that you called it a cause because I definitely feel that way about it too. Like just in your world, how did that become like a passion and a cause for you?

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Yeah, actually, it was through my husband.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

It was his like through his gentle nudging. So a friend of mine kind of introduced me to uh some YouTube, a YouTube channel that started talking about this. I'm like, oh, that's very interesting. And you know, we we were talking kind of off the record. Uh, you know, I'm a manifesting generator, and knowing that now, it's like, oh, that kind of just piqued my interest because after I had a couple of kids, the hormones changed. You know, I wasn't kind of like that, like how when I met my husband in college, like you're so excited to see him, it's like there's like butterflies and rainbows and stuff. The the life, right? Of like having two kids and then the hormone changes and the stress of like work life balance, all that stuff, kind of like dampened my libido, you know. And so, like when my husband started kind of talking about it, and my friend actually introduced me to this YouTube channel and was like, Oh, very interesting. And um, she tied it to manifesting and all that. So, like, oh, okay, you really got my attention now. So that's kind of how it started, but and and from there, just applying what I've learned, it was just like wow, I can't believe. And you can ask me about my journey in more detail, but like, I can't believe that I've been missing all my life, like this kind of sex, you know.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Yeah, cool. So I'm curious who this was. The person that you found on YouTube that was yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:37

I I don't know if you've I don't know how much you learn from YouTube and stuff, but her name is Kim Anami. Okay, she has a podcast as well. You you have heard of her?

SPEAKER_01 3:47

No, I haven't.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

You have not. Okay, well, actually, the first introduction was Montag Chia, which you probably have heard of him. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Teach me, Alice. Come on, tell me.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

Okay, so Montak Chia is uh he's from like the Taoist culture or tradition, so tao, right? Taoism, and they have ancient sexual practices around sexual energy. I mean, their tradition is built around sexual energy. So Kim learned from Mantak Chia, but Mantak Shia is hard a little hard to understand sometimes. And so, like, I got most and Kim is more like mainstream, and so like I I started following her and actually did I did her program and my husband also did her program. And when I when we went through her programs, we were just like blown away because they work, because these are ancient practices, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Yeah, you know, yeah, very cool. What would be an example of a practice that you learned from her that you feel like was particularly effective for you?

SPEAKER_03 4:57

Yes, there's one main one, and then a second one that I still like I still practice these, you know, all the time. So there's the Yoni egg, you probably heard of it.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

They also call it J Egg, right?

SPEAKER_03 5:10

I I didn't know what it was. I was like, what you put that thing in there? So like what? And it made sense to me how she explained it because the muscles in there, they're they're vaginal muscles, right? And so if you're like if you're doing exercises, let's say a bicep curl without weights, well, that muscle is not gonna get stronger. So if you're just doing keegols, for example, it's like you're doing bicep curls in the air without any resistance. And so I understood it in that regard from a physical standpoint because I you know my background is in fitness, so I understand that. And with that work, I also understood the brain connection to everything else that we're also interconnected, right? And so when we do the yoni egg exercises, it strengthens the muscles, yes, which you know, in turn makes you more lubricated, it just kind of wakes it up and it makes it more sensitive. And that was one of the things that I realized is we tend to kind of get tight in there, you know, from trauma, whether it's like a physical trauma or emotional trauma or something that happens. Like, I mean, you know, sex is so taboo for that reason, right? Because there's all sorts of like negative connotations, right, around the topic. But anyway, so that that practice itself is so powerful because it just awakens that muscle and strengthens it, makes it more sensitive, and then it connects it to your brain, right? Because when you're doing the the pulsing around the egg, it's like you're you literally have to use your brain to contract the muscles around the egg.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

So for me, that made so much sense. And then you know, you met me at Dr. Joe Dispenza, and we know how powerful the brain is and all that stuff, and how it's also connected. So that practice itself, I would say was one of the biggest game changers that like literally as soon as I started experiencing results from it, I was like, I'm telling everyone. Yeah, like this is you know, yeah, because I used to not like doggy style, for example, okay, because it hurt, and I'm like, why would like women even want to do this position? Right, because you're like, this shit hurts because we get tight there, and so and then like we've lost connection, and so we're also kind of numb there, right? And so that combination is not a good combination for that position, but having done the work, you know, and just kind of like surrendered and and all that stuff, and then started to become more sensitive there, it's like, oh, now I see what the hype is all about.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

You're like, hey, this doggy style thing's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Yes, yes. So that's the first one to answer your question. The other one that I still do is called ovarian breathing. And ovarian breathing has more to do with your sexual energy. Obviously, it's ovarian, so it's for women. And so it's the Taoist used ovarian breathing to ultimately recirculate the sexual energy into everywhere else so that let's say if you don't want to have a period every single month, you can either lighten it, make it better, or make it completely go away if you want to. Ultimately, you don't have an egg to disintegrate because you've recirculated the energy that would have made the egg. So that was just mind-blowing for me when doing it. And then I have never had any problems with like bad periods, painful periods. I've never had that, but the fact that I can access another form of energy that could have just gone to waste, you know, and be able to recirculate it intentionally. Yeah, just really like it works, like it either lightened my period or like when it it lengthened the time in between when I had my period, so I wasn't like having it monthly. It's insane. So, anyway, those are different things.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

That's amazing. I mean, to me, what an incredible. I love the idea that our minds are so powerful and intention is so powerful, but that's just really cool that you can apply it in that specific way. Yes, and you've seen results. Yes, really, that's very neat. I'm sure there's gonna be a lot of ladies that would be like, I gotta turn that out. For sure. So something that you said that was interesting to me about the, you know, like you're using this egg and you're training that muscle, and that the effect of that was actually like a loosening up and uh is it like a relaxation that enables you to have?

SPEAKER_03 10:04

Yes, totally. Yeah. So if you look at let's say the physical therapy, right? And let's say, and I was watching this YouTube video the other day. I go on YouTube a lot, apparently. Uh well, he was talking about like how we have this like certain back pains, and it's because of like it feels like our our muscles are constantly doing bicep curls. Um, and that's why it feels like you know, if you have back pain, it feels like it's just like screaming at you kind of thing, right? Right. Yeah. Kind of that. And what he did was he it it sounds counterintuitive to work the muscle that is in pain, but the fact that you're giving it some stimulus and then letting go of it consciously is actually practicing again that kind of that brain connection to that tissue and say, Oh, I can actually still move this way kind of thing. And then it kind of just strengthens it, you know. So, yeah, I was so blown away about just that simple practice. Like, literally, that simple practice gave me probably most of the results that I needed in the bedroom to have all the the different kinds of orgasms.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Well, so tell me about that. So, was there like a first? Um, I don't know, it sounds like there were experiences that for you might have been the first time that you had them.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

Yes, this was the defining moment for me to where it's like every woman needs to know this. So it's called the cervical orgasm. You probably have heard of it.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

I have heard of it, okay, but of course, never have had one. Too bad for you, too bad for me.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

Yeah, yeah, no, it's but it's one of the most wonderful gifts you can give to a woman if you can give it to her, right? So the cervical orgasm is is when the cervix, which is basically that entrance that the if you've had a baby, that's how they come out, you know, of you. But it's a very it can be very sensitive in there once you've made the connection, right? Once you kind of revive the nerves in there, and there's a lot of nerves besides the clitoris that's has all of the nerves, it has way more nerves than any other part of our the human body, right? Yeah, so the cervical that in inside the cervix, basically what it gave me was kind of like a spiritual experience when I first had it. And so, like, you know, you take this program, you you can expect to have this, and this is how it feels like it feels like this is how you know you're having it, yada yada, yada. And so one of the things that she talks about in her program was you're probably gonna cry, but it's gonna be like tears of joy, right? But but you're gonna cry and you might not even like stop yourself and you might even know what's going on, right? So I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, whatever. And then it happened when I was 40 and I got mad. So anyway, before I get there, and then it happened, right? And it was like I literally cried. Well, first it felt like it was just me and him, and it's just like my energy expanded, and it's like I'm in heaven, and it was just glorious. I can't put it into words, I really can't do it. But my body expanded, I felt like I was just there in the moment, and everything was just glorious. I don't know what other drug to do that, right? Probably none. Uh maybe ecstasy. I've never taken it, so I don't wouldn't know. But anyway, that was my experience, and then I started sobbing, just like crying, but I wasn't sad, it was just I can't even control, it's like releasing like emotions that are trapped in there or something. I don't know, I can't explain. And obviously, since my husband took the class and he takes my classes too, he kind of knows like what to do and stuff like that, uh what to expect, and so he knew that was happening, happening. Uh I love that you know it happened that way. That's like do something wrong, like everything right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

He was probably so excited because he was like, Well, we did it.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Yes, exactly. Because it's it's kind of like an illusion, you know, at this point because you've never had it in your 40. And then on the other side of it, I got mad because I'm like, how come I'm only having this kind of orgasm at 40 years old?

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

I was so mad.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Yeah, sure. You're like, why did it take this long?

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Yeah, and that's what started kind of that journey of like, okay, I have this kind of next level relationship with that side of me. And yes, I want more women to know that they can have it and they can have an amazing sex life, and like they're not gonna be like called promiscuous if like they're very open about their sexuality, but at the same time, it's also like a health thing, yeah for me, you know, because one if like you have some kind of trauma there that's trapped and you haven't dealt with, like when you do this kind of work, it's gonna come out because you're gonna have to heal it. The only way is true, right? You can't shortcut it, you can't skip it, you just have to go through it, right? But it's one of the most powerful healings that you can do for yourself, and it's just boring to not have that kind of healing, you know. I mean, you're in a physical body in a physical world, like when else are you gonna have that kind of experience?

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Right, exactly. Yeah, I would imagine that after you had that, like you said, you got mad, but like you know, just this realization of like, holy crap, there's so much more that's meant for me. Yeah, I love that you started to take that message and share it and feel inspired. And and I'm sure there's gonna be people watch this that'll be like, what's this thing she's talking about? I need to know more. So feel free.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

You can link to my Facebook profile. Maybe if they want to ask questions, that would be the best way. Uh on the health side, the other thing that also reminded me of this work is I used to have a client when I owned a gym, and she had to have some kind of surgery, a pelvic mesh installed in her in her pelvic area because the because of the pelvic muscles being weak, right? Inside, not outside. And so something like the Yoni egg or the jade egg, they call it jade egg because of the material, right? But they come in different kinds of material. But something like that that strengthens inside, if you know, if you know that, then you don't have to go through a surgery like that. That's very invasive, and who knows, like the long term of that, you know? Right. So something like that could have been prevented by something so simple, you know. So that's part of kind of why I was so mad because I'm like, why do we not talk about these solutions that are right?

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Does this practice is it hard? Is it something that takes a lot of time? No, not really.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

That's a great question. No, the first time that you do it, it's like maybe take five minutes. So she split, and I think this is from her the Taoist, like how the Taoists do it as well, because that's also from their tradition. So she splits the area inside the vaginal canal into six, so like the front, the middle, and the back towards the cervix, right? And so then you just kind of like do like eight, nine reps, however many reps per side on each of those areas, so like six, six different areas, right? Okay, and then you squeeze, you contract, you squeeze, you contract, and then you do some breath work in between, and then you do the next round. So that could take like five minutes, okay. You know, and that's really all I did. Sometimes you can do it while watching it TV, you know. I mean, once you get used to it, you know, the first time, like it's like, are my muscles contracting? Like, this is just weird kind of thing, you know. It's like, but once you get used to it, it's like you can just do it watch while watching TV. You know, it doesn't take at all.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah. If I'm understanding what you're saying, you're moving the egg further back inside, right? Yes. And and then you're doing the exercise. So does this does this jade egg is it have like some kind of thing to help you maneuver it and you're using it? Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

So most jade eggs or yoni eggs, if you're gonna get one, if you're a woman watching this, look for ones that they have ones that already have a string attached to them. Okay, so it has usually have a hole on one end and then it has like a string attached to it that's like washable and all that stuff, you know, like a waterproof. The original one that I had, I had to thread like a silk needle, sorry, silk thread through it, yeah. Uh, every time that I use it, but that took so much time because who has time to do that? The second one I got has a string attached, and then you basically push the egg with your fingers, you know, to the different spots, and then that's also helpful because you can kind of feel the contractions with your finger because you know you have more nerves on your fingers, right? You can kind of have more of like a feedback mechanism when your fingers are in there, and then eventually you can graduate to a standing yoni egg where like you put a weight with on this the other end of the string, and just like you're literally like lifting something. Uh Kim Anami, for example, she had a picture that really like she was in Thailand or something like that, and she has a coconut on the other end of the egg while the egg was inside her vagina. So it's like that's really good marketing. But anyway, so there's women that have like really strong vaginal muscles that can be five pounds, ten pounds. It's insane, but I'm not at that level, and you don't need to be at that level too.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

So have the experience, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I did actually, I mean, as we're talking about this and remembering there was uh like one of those parties that you go to where they have like different, you know, novelty, adult novelty toys things and lubricants and you know, self-pleasure sleeves and all kinds of things that they had. But the woman that was running it was, I don't really know how she would have described like what her work was, but she, you know, she worked with couples and did a lot of you know, like teaching, and she was talking about like trying, and I guess maybe she used a yoni egg, I'm not really sure. But she had so what she said is she had developed her vaginal strength so much that like during sex she could clamp down on a man's penis to the point that he couldn't pull out if she didn't want him to. Like, that's how strong she had gotten. And I was like dang. Yeah. So and you know, and she just talked about that she but she didn't really honestly, at least that maybe it was because that wasn't what the party was necessarily about, but um, but she didn't explain it nearly as articulately as you just did about I mean the experience that you had and like the benefit that you saw from it. She just kind of said that it greatly is enhanced you know her her sexual experience. Yeah. Well that's super cool.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

That uh there is one thing that I would like the women listeners to know. Is that the the stronger your muscles are there in there, the the better the sex will be.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

So did you kind of go from you know, I mean I'm sure the answer to this is yes, but I would love to hear you elaborate on this. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:27

That's a great question. Okay, yeah, that's a really awesome question, actually. So yeah, um around that time, I think I was like maybe 35. So it was it was a while, right? Before I actually like I was doing the work for quite some time before I actually had the cervical orgasm. Not that I we weren't having like great sex, you know, in between in the process. Uh but uh yeah, I went from like I don't even want to do that, I have no interest. Like that's the last thing I want to do to like, yeah, I'm in. Like, why aren't you asking me? Now I have to ask you kind of thing, you know. Um actually I started talking about it more on my social media at the time. It was November of 2023, I believe, when like I was doing the work and I was I want to say my pussy just started talking to me, and it's just so alive. And and and she's like, talk about me, talk about me. Oh my god, I love that because I just wanted to do it all the time. It's like, okay, now like I can't even stop, you know. Um not that like uh I I crave it all the time, but it's like it was on all the time, and I kind of said like it's like a barometer, you know, for like how much you're enjoying your life, how much you're loving your life, you know, it's like your pussy will tell you.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

That should be a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

Yeah, if you're very in tune to it, right? If you have a relationship to it, it's like you talk to it, you you think about it, you you recognize that it's there, you acknowledge that it has its needs, you acknowledge that it has its power, you know, like when you started this this interview, right? Like when you have that relationship and and you you're in tune as to how turned on you are, and then you're also turned on with all the things, right, that's going on that you're doing in your life, you're loving your work that you do, that you're putting out in the world. Like, I see it as a barometer, it's all connected, right? It's it can't be like separated, you know. So, anyway, that's kind of how I started talking about because I'm like, okay, it's time because otherwise, if I don't have an outlet to talk about this, it's just I'm just gonna like implode. I don't know, I don't know. I have to talk about things as part of my design. Like I share stories, you know, through my marketing, through my business, through whatever. Like, I I have to share my insights with the world. That's that's just part of me. And if I don't, it's like I'm kind of dampening that part of me, and it like it doesn't have a way to express itself, you know. So yeah, long answer to your question.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

That was a beautiful answer. I remember I was sitting here just thinking, I just want her to just keep talking. I mean, I love the fact that you I mean you said that it was like 35. That's when you were like, okay, I'm starting this work, and 40 was when you had this cervical orgasm. Like over the five years, and and um part of the reason why I love that so much is like doing Dr. Joe's work has been like that for me. It's been a long journey, and there have been these little things that have happened along the way that have built upon themselves, and now looking back, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so glad, and I'll never stop doing this work. But like, you know, if you'd have told me at the beginning, it's not like gonna be a fast food trip where you're just gonna be like, do it for three weeks and you're gonna be a new person. I mean, you know, that wasn't gonna be my journey, right? So I I love that yeah, you've hung with it, but like when, like, how long for you before you like from that moment when you were 35 and you're like, okay, I'm gonna do this? Like, when did you know, okay, I'm on this road, however long it takes, whatever I like, I see the light that this is. Did you have like a moment where you were like, okay?

SPEAKER_03 26:47

Yeah, well, like I said, it's not that we weren't having great sex in between, right? In between five years, like literally, even like maybe the first two weeks of doing the work, like I started noticing differences already. I was like, oh no, I like this position when I when you used to hurt, kind of thing, you know. So and I and I can last longer, and I like the feeling hasn't gone away, right? Because like I realized that I didn't like, you know, I didn't like sex because I lost my sensitivity down there. Like literally felt just numb. And so it's like it's like something's going in and now, but like I'm not feeling anything, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

So like even just the first couple of weeks, I started getting feeling back because now I understand it's a muscle. And being a physical fit fitness trainer, I'm like, oh, I understand that muscles take time to you know sometimes take time to kind of come back to life, but at the same time, it can be quick because it's a muscle, it kind of remembers, you know, its job, right? So yeah, I mean, I started improving immediately, and we were having great sex even before that. That's why I kept going. And started liking like doggy style or being on top and like different ways. Started just feeling more glorious, then knowing that the clitoris has more nerves than any part of our body, it's just like oh, that's why like sometimes I don't even want it touched, but then like surrendering to that knowledge, it's like okay, I just kind of like kind of breathe through it and like just accept it. And you know, there's so much personal growth that comes out of that, you know, because if you just tend to like control things and you're not able to surrender to like somebody giving you um sensual touch, like there's something wrong with that, you know. And so if you want to work through something like that, then you gotta like do that work, but at the same time, you know, the results were just so rewarding that you just want to keep going. Maybe not the ultimate reward that you wanted, like what's this elusive cervical orgasm, but you're having fun along the way, and you're growing so much as a person, as a couple, especially if you're doing it with somebody that you've been married to. We're we've been married 18 years, right? You know, so I mean, who else will you do it with? You know what I mean? Yeah, so might as well be fun, right?

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Yeah, yeah. I think it's amazing that he, you know, like had the knowledge too and was doing it, learning it with you. And I mean, how cool is that? That's really neat.

SPEAKER_02 29:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

So if you could go back to your younger self and bring this message to her, like what age would you pick to try and travel back to? And how do you think you would say it to that version of yourself?

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Hmm, wow, that's a tough question. Because I would say that I never really had like a serious relationship until I met my husband. So you know, it's not like uh I want to do this forever with this person kind of thing. So hmm. Really, I don't know. That's a really tough question because I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Right, yeah, absolutely. Actually, as you were sitting there struggling with it, I was like, I think the reason that there's the answer is difficult is because it happened even though you were mad, you know. The truth is, is it like the timing of it was perfect. It was your journey and you, yeah, that's really cool.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Yeah, I mean, I feel like if I didn't have that problem, right, at the time after having two kids and stuff like that, then I wouldn't have like evolved around my relationship with it in my adulthood with my husband, you know. So it's just like there's just so many different factors that like came into play when it was actually time for me to to do something about it. Because I mean, in my younger years, the libido wasn't a problem, right? Right, it it was a problem the other way, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 31:06

That doesn't sound like a problem, Anna.

SPEAKER_03 31:08

Yes, but that I mean, now that I think a little bit more about that question, like I grew up in the Philippines, I came to the US when I was 19, and the Philippines is a largely Catholic country.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 31:22

So there's so many like taboos around virginity and like around not having sex until you're married and all that stuff. And so I I would I would probably be more kind of cynical around those kinds of beliefs, uh, and be more open to like what are other ways. Um in in Taoism, like they've been doing it for thousands of years, these practices, and they've mastered their sexual energy. And so I would probably if if it was a thing back then for me, I would seek like things outside of like what I know and be open to like other ways of thinking about it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Me too. I grew up Catholic also, and you know, at one time I was gonna be a priest, that was like when I was 18. Yeah, that was my life plan at the at that point. I was gonna castrate myself, I was gonna, you know, because same thing, sexuality, yeah, God over here, sex over here. And so I was trying to get as far away from my sexuality as I could, and I wasn't succeeding, I was just miserable and sad because I was failing at that, but yeah, until I left the Catholic Church, which was a thing for me for sure, because I was like, now I don't know what to believe because I was like so devout Catholic that I was gonna be a priest, and then next thing, and then I had this big paradigm shift and crisis of faith, and but that was kind of the beginning for me of a shift, and here I am now writing filthy romance. So amazing.

SPEAKER_03 33:02

Okay, so I don't know if you've already talked about this in your other episodes or other interviews, but yes, you sent me kind of like why you started a podcast and stuff, but can you tell me a little bit more about kind of like that transition? And I'm like, I'm interested in your journey as an author. Like, wow, like I I I just I've always wanted to write stories, but it doesn't come to me naturally. But anyway, so how did it all start? I would love to know if you haven't said it in the podcast yet.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Um, uh yeah, actually, I haven't. Well, I mean, in terms of my sexuality, I had sort of the flip side of the experience because your husband was an inspiration for you. I mean, inspiration for me was over the course of my life, different women, and it wasn't always necessarily a physically intimate sexual relationship. Sometimes it was just a friendship that was safe to like talk about sexual things because you know, I mean, I came from so much shame about that, and that was like the beliefs that I had for the longest time. It was bad. And the desire to write, I think, was as I've become more like accepting of myself, like it's this desire to just be like, Man, I'm so ready to just throw off all the taboo and all the shame and all the restriction of whatever's not authentic, whatever's facade for the world, whatever's the masquerade, like I'm so ready to just tear all that shit down and be authentic. But my writing's been an interesting journey because the first stuff that I wrote was actually this was at work, and um, you know, I'm a software engineer in the daytime, and so I was on a team, I was actually a team lead, but we were all really close. And one of the uh guys on the team was getting married, and his wife and him and some and a couple other people, we were all in this like Facebook Messenger chat together. And they all knew that I had a filthy mind. It was always like, you know. So they kind of had this joke about like they would make these little memes with my face on it, and it would be like Marvin, whatever, and it would be something, some kind of lew thing, or whatever. And um, but anyway, I started just in that chat with them writing this little serial, and it was like little 500-word episodes, and it was all um this basically him and his wife, their wedding turning into this big orgy. That was like the story. And and it was like larger than life, it was ridiculous, it was funny, and it was very erotic and very sexual and very explicit, and they were I think they were mostly just amused at what I would come up with. But they kept being like, When's the next six episode, you know? And uh and they were all characters in it. Like I had this whole big cast, and people that were not even like people that we knew in the department were characters in it. It was just it was an HR nightmare. It was the completely like how I did not, but they were totally very enthusiastically encouraging me to keep writing. And my experience of that was just like I mean, now looking back, what I see is that first of all, I believe we're all one, and I believe that our sexuality and our sexual energy is just an expression of the divine desire to merge and express that oneness.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 36:24

And so whether it's like with your partner and you're having sex with them, I mean, that's obviously the most physical way to manifest it. But I mean, I now see that our sexual energy is like it moves and flows from person to person, and it's just that I just think it's the divinity. I mean, I now life force. Yeah, it's life force, exactly. And so, and so I mean, I now look back on the experience, and it was there was just this play, everybody was like laughing, and it was, you know, and it was so free, and so in a weird way, it was so innocent, even though it was so filthy. The story was completely outrageous, and um well you were having fun, and but it was really it was really fun, and so that's kind of how it started was that experience. And then I like stumbled into this course on you know, like writing and publishing, and I was like, well, write and publish some erotica. And I wrote this series of books that was very authentic for me, kind of dark and twisted. It was but it was it was to me, it was like such a love story, and it was about this woman who cheats on her husband, and he goes through everything you can imagine that a person might go through who's betrayed like that. But he ultimately comes around to he loves her, he chooses her, and they stay together, and there's this big like you know, grand finale where he chases her, and uh anyway, and that series of books had some people who loved it and write to me to this day, you know, emails, and other people who really crucified the books because there was adultery in it, you know. I mean I now see those books were very powerful books, and I have gratitude for them. But at the time, the people who didn't like it and were vocal about it, I took that very personally and I quit writing for like a year. I just stopped writing. And then I kind of slowly there was this other writer who was a woman who was writing erotica, but she was writing these like really short stories, and and I think I was still I I I was just so scared to write again that I was like, well, she's doing that and she's telling me it works for her, and I think I could do that, so I'm just gonna do what she's doing. And I started a two-year journey of learning that trying to do what other people are doing instead of doing what's inside of me is not the way to go. And so I did lots, I read a lot of things that were, you know, I mean, they were my writing and they were my ideas, but it was still me modeling after somebody else's pattern. And so anyway, only recently I'm like, I'm gonna stop doing that. And I'm working on a book right now that's very much more authentic for me, but it's it's filthy, it's gonna be filthy. Um and you know, and for me, that is just a it is pushing boundaries, it is like challenging taboo, and it's also just it's like being really raw and authentic with the thoughts that I think and the things that I find erotic, and then just putting it out in the world and letting because what I now see so clearly is that book has a life force to it, it has its own soul, and it's I was gonna say it's your essence, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

And once you put it out into the world, like it just takes on, it has a life of its own, and so like it's kind of like birthing when you create a book, and so so yeah, so I'm pregnant right now, I'm working on this book and totally get that, and then you're manifesting generators, so I see that as like it works so well because then you can write multiple books and then feel like you're satisfying that multi-passionate side of you, you know, with all the different stories, and and you can do your research on different topics and stuff like that. That again is part of the multi multi-passionate side. And one thing that I got from what you just said is that you have to know yourself, right? And that's like Plato, I think, is the one that said it. Um, but know thyself, and that's why I love human design so much, you know, because when I read my design, it was just like seeing myself for the first time so clearly, it's like and not judging myself for all the things that I judge myself for, but that's my part of my gift and my design. I'm just like, wow, but it's because it's against what like society will tell you, it's like to focus on everything and just keep doing that and like finish everything you start, whatever. It's like that's just not me. That's just not part of my design, you know? So know thyself totally, and I'm glad that you're studying yours. I mean, I know it's such a comprehensive system, but at the same time, uh, when I went through it the first time, I took it in pieces, you know. It's like, okay, I know I'm a manifesting generator. What does that mean? And then I kind of like see that in my life, and then okay, this is my authority. How do I do that? This is my strategy, how do I do like testing it piece by piece because it can be overwhelming when you first like you know, start learning about it, but I have a gist, I have an idea, right? Of what I am and like what I'm capable of and stuff like that. It's like, okay, okay, this is something that I do because our gifts are not obvious to us because they're like, I just do this naturally, but we don't realize not everyone is gifted in that era. Kind of like your coworkers urging you to write more because for you, it's like, oh, this is just something I do for fun. But it's like no one does that, no one just write the book, write the story, you know, and have it be fun and engaging and entertaining, you know. So yeah, I'm so glad that you did that and that you're on this journey as well, and that you're doing this podcast. Um, so yeah, really awesome.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

Yes, yeah, I'm excited. I'm uh I'm gonna have big dreams about where it all could go, but um getting better at just being in what I'm doing right now, yeah. And letting all the big dreams and all that kind of stuff come to me instead of me, because I was for a long time. I was just having a hard time enjoying the present moment, and that's been something I've been working on. So well, I do have a few more. I have a few more sexy questions for you.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Okay. Do you have if you could finger snap and make everyone who witnessed you and your husband forget it? Is there some place in the world that you would love to just have sex and then like snap your fingers and be like, what? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh you and your husband be the only two people that remembered any of it.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

Yeah, I mean, there's this beautiful place that we visited um in France. It's at Tebes by Monaco, it's around that area. So beautiful. It's like a fairy tale little town. It's like everything's kind of like stuck in that kind of fairy tale era. But anyway, uh that's yeah, that's the place.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

That would be it.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

It's just so serene and so is that your question?

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Yeah, yeah. No, it could be anywhere, wherever you want it to be.

SPEAKER_03 43:49

So serene. You have the ocean right here, and you have the snow capped mountains on the side because it's like borders Switzerland, and you see there's the Alps there as well.

SPEAKER_01 43:59

That's

SPEAKER_03 44:00

Cool. It's beautiful. I mean, our kids were with us on that trip, but I would love to just go there, like just me and him and like enjoy it. Or somewhere in Italy, which we haven't been, but you know, that's the first place that yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Yeah. Love it.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

I would say, I don't know if this is part of your question, but part of my uh design is I have the gate of sexuality.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

Oh, okay. I don't know. Tell me about the tell me about this gate.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

I think it's gate 59 or something like that. Uh so like it's like it's defined in your chart if if you say you have this gate and all that stuff. So um what that means is it's either you're too busy having sex or you're too busy to have sex. But you're like eternally doing something. Uh so that's what I had. I'm like, oh, that is very interesting that I have that, and then I went on that journey, and that's why I said like everything happens for a reason. So you probably already know that human design is uh from Kabbalah, astrology, and Day Ching, right? And I've taken Kabbalah twice, like I'm talking about going through the entire experience, not just like mentally, but like really feeling the energies of the tree. And during that program, they help you find your number based on your name, what your number is, and nine uh is what they call yesod that is the also associated with sexuality. So I feel like I mean, that's probably the Kabbalah aspect that you know, with the gate of sexuality in human design and all that stuff. So just just knowing the different perspectives and the different aspects that come into play and the many different dimensions that we have, it's just fascinating to me how like the more that you know about yourself, the more it's like the things are clicking. It's like, oh, that makes sense. Oh, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Or you kind of look back at your life and be like, oh, now with this frame of understanding, a lot of things really fit. Yes, yeah, yeah, cool. What do you love about your sexuality now?

SPEAKER_03 46:14

I love that it's a part of my life. I love that it's not tucked away in like put away in like the closet or whatever, like clothes that you no longer wear, kind of thing, you know? I love that it is, and I love that I know that I can be like this until I get old, you know, until I'm 60, 80, hopefully, you know, I'm I'm still having fun with it. I I love that. And I love that I no longer have the shoulds or the rules and you know, all the bad negative notions I had about it. I just love the freedom, all of the taboo things that society typically puts on it, and that I can talk freely too with my friends about it, and even probably with our kids. I don't know, they have it hasn't come up, yeah, but I love that I'm in the play in a place where it's not weird for me to like tell them about it, yeah, and tell them about like how powerful it can be when they tap into it, you know. As a parent, that's like something that you probably worry about. And yeah, so I love that we me and my husband, like we're cool with it, you know. Like if they ask us, we're not gonna be weird about it.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

Right, yeah, yeah. And that's huge. It is. I mean, I know for sure for me growing up, but I'm sure even still, like, I think about because I I had kids, I mean, I had a kid when I was older, as far as you know, and so like my son's peers or whatever, most of those parents were like a whole generation different than me. But still, I really think it was still like a tabby subject to you know, for parents to talk to their kids about, and it's like, yeah, so that's awesome that you and your husband are both like comfortable and ready for that kind of because you know they're gonna ask. I mean, it's like at some point that development will they'll start to blossom and they'll have questions and that's another sad thing, right?

SPEAKER_03 48:18

When you can't even talk to your kids, when one of the most powerful things that they have, and then one of the the most intimate relationships they're gonna have, you know, with another person or even with themselves, and and feel shameful around what they feel and what they do about it. Like there's so much like baggage that comes with it, you know, if you don't approach it the right way and if you're not prepared, and also like your energy around it, right? I mean, we're so intuitive human beings, right? Yes, and if you feel weird about it, they're not gonna be open to talking to you about it, you know. So it's just all of those things, like so for that.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Yeah, well, thank you so much for having this conversation with me.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

Yeah, I knew this was gonna be fun. I mean, I won't it be.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Yeah, no, but I'm grateful for you know, it's cool because every single woman I've talked to has I mean, everybody's different, and they all everyone's brought a completely different conversation about sex to this show. And you have all of this experience that you've had that it's just uh I'm really grateful. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 49:29

Thank you. Thank you for having me. I really enjoyed it, I appreciate it. If you want me back another time, I wouldn't. Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Because there's no way, I mean, with the journey that you're on and the things that you've learned. I mean, just imagine what unfolds for you in another you know, year, two years or whatever. I mean, I just am certain that you're gonna unlock new things that are gonna be like, oh my god, this is so amazing.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

There's also many things that we didn't get to talk about in the last different set of questions another time.

SPEAKER_01 50:04

Unpack, unpack for sure, more things. Good deal. Cool, all right. Well, this is Anna, and I'm Marvin, aka Morgan Hale. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_03 50:17

See you next time.

Marvin aka Morgan Hale 50:18

Thanks for listening to Filthy Little Secrets. I hope we left you feeling light, free, and inspired to explore your filthy sexual horizons. If you want more, subscribe to get all the filthy feature fun. If you're a sex positive woman who'd like to burn another broad chain, I want to talk to you. Want to come on the show and tell your story? Go to Morganhale Book.com slash podcast to learn more. That's M-O-R-T-A-N-H-A-L-E books.com slash podcast. Until next time, it's Morgan Hale, encouraging you to keep it real and filthy.