SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Filthy Little Secrets, the show where real everyday women get real about sex. We're here to shatter stigma and trample taboo one candid conversation at a time. My name's Marvin, but my readers know me as Morgan Hale, filthy romance author. And I'm your host for this heart-to-heart chat about something most of us think about, dream about, and even yearn for. But few of us feel comfortable admitting it, talking about it, or celebrating it. So let's get filthy together.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

Alright, y'all. I'm very excited today to be bringing you my friend Rachel, who we just actually met a month and a half ago at a Dr. Joe Dispenser retreat.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Yeah. And you know, when I put it out on my social media that I was starting this crazy podcast to talk about sex and asked uh what brave souls would be happy to come on and and talk about it. She was one of the wonderful people who raised her hand and said yes. So I'm just super grateful that Rachel's here today. Thank you for joining and coming here to talk about this.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Absolutely. Why not?

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Yeah, right. So so my first question would be what made you want to raise your hand and say yes to a conversation about sex?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Well, I think, you know, a lot of it just after the retreat and just being open, getting out of your comfort zone for the growth, all that kind of stuff. I figured it'd be a good opportunity. And I think just, you know, kind of like you said in your post, it kind of seems like such a taboo subject. And I feel like so many of us maybe have a hard time talking about it or even like communicating with your partner, you know. I mean, my husband and I've been together a long time, and sometimes it almost feels awkward even talking to him. So this should help me in turn also be kind of more open.

SPEAKER_03 2:01

Yes, I love it. That's amazing. Yeah, because like I know I'm finding this for me, the way that energy just works, you know, that it's like if I just am open to that shift that yeah, it could spread into my relationships. So may it be so that happens for you. That would be super cool. Outcome of this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Right.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

Yeah, I I was just listening, uh actually earlier too. There's this podcast that I've started listening to, this woman, Candace Harbox, is I think her name. And one of the main topics that she talks about uh on her show is from the standpoint of being a woman and like just the taboo around sexuality and how women are kind of treated with uh a special amount of you know, shaming around sexuality. And she was just talking with this comedian, and they were kind of and the the comedian was also a woman, and they were just kind of sharing how they each had experienced coming up, and they're I mean, I would guess they're both like in their late 30s, maybe. And then I think both moms and but they were just kind of sharing their experience of growing up. Um, I guess for them it would have been like in the nineties, maybe. Does that sound right?

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Um yeah, it'd be the nineties.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

End of the nineties, early 2000s, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I guess around the topic of being a woman and around the topic of sexuality, like what were the kind of messages that you got from the culture, from friends that you know affected how you feel about being a sexual person and being a woman?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Yeah. Well, I mean, for me growing up, I my parents lived in different states. And so I was with my mom and she worked a lot, and so I was like always alone. So I for such a long time I hated being alone, but I feel like because I really was alone, right? I didn't have that two-parent home structure. I was essentially kind of raising myself. I feel like most of the messages I got really came from what I was watching or, you know, from school. So it was kind of this, and I'm even trying to think like, you know, back then it was the holes in the jeans, you know, show some skin or like the tank tops type of thing. And I too, it's just it's crazy to look at now, but I remember, you know, like 14 is really when sex became such a topic at school. And then it was like, oh, so-and-so is losing their virginity. And then you feel so much pressure, like, oh, that's where I need to be too. So yeah, it just, it's not like anyone really talked to me about it, you know, from like parent standpoint or had any rules and stuff like that. So yeah, it was just kind of a a lot of like a show your skin. And it's crazy now because my daughter's about to be 13. And, you know, I look at her and then I look at some of her peers that, you know, her peers mostly being in public school. And I'm fortunate enough that my kids go to a Montessori school. And so my daughter gets to be whoever she wants. And I love it because as an almost 13-year-old, being obsessed with dinosaurs and fossils and stuff like that, you know, she would be that crop top, tank top, short, short little shorts and stuff like that, you know. And it's it's funny to kind of think back like to when I was 14 and the pressure of, oh, you gotta have sex, and to look at my daughter and be like, holy balls, like in a year, I don't think so. I tried wearing a crop top once, and I'm like, hell no, you're not leaving this house in that crop tab.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, so that's interesting. So for you, I mean, you kind of experienced uh like this external pressure from peer pressure to be a certain way sexually. Like when for you just internally, or or I don't know, like at what point would you say internally you started to feel whether it was desire or attraction to anybody and like navigating that did that come later for you? And like at 14, it was just like what I was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Well, okay, so again, this is why it's like so mind-blowing to me, but because of all that pressure rain, because I was alone all the time, and maybe like hanging out the wrong crowd, I did have sex at 14, and it was like this, you know, pressure thing. It was absolutely terrible. Oh my god, gross. You know, it's like you think of like the first person, and there was no like let's be in a relationship. I love you, you know, that whole like young lust crap. But then I did date a guy for almost two years, and I don't know, you know, thinking about it now, it's like, oh, is there anything great about it? Meh, no. So I don't know. I really didn't, I'd say, like, break out of my shell or really be comfortable about it just in my body and situations. I feel like that didn't come till till way later.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

Yeah, because it's like if what you had was just like the pressure externally to be a certain way sexually, and you're following those cues, and you don't have anyone to really give you any kind of direction inward to like what does Rachel want?

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and I mean, just in in that, but also in life, it's like took me a long time to figure that out.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

Right. Yeah, oh yeah. Well, me too. I mean, I think it I think in some ways I'm like, I'm still figuring it out, and I'm 52. So yeah, yeah, I mean, it can, it can take a long time. I think that's kind of part of why talking about this is cool, because it's like I've been thinking about this a lot for a while that you know, social media kind of gives stuff off what I think is a false impression that everybody else has got it together.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Oh yeah, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

And on the topic of sexuality, that none of you know, like nobody's really I would say it's pretty rare that somebody is at all transparent about whatever they're thinking about sexuality on social media, you know, whether it's they feel very sexual or they're confused about their sexuality or the whatever it is, you know, that's like all of it is not something that you very often see, which would lead you to kind of think that nobody's thinking about it, nobody has feelings about it because nobody's talking about it. They're just posting what they're eating for dinner. Or yeah, you know, or whatever, anything else but that. Well, so has anybody at any point been for you kind of an inspiration at all that kind of helped you start to think about who you were sexually and what you wanted?

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yeah, okay, so this might sound a little fucked up, but you know, I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. And um, so I got with my husband when I was 16 and we were, you know, on and off for a while, got pregnant with my daughter, you know, young, whatever, because I was had my daughter when I was 20. So we ended up like breaking up because I did talk to some guy, right? That actually he worked with, and I know terrible, terrible, terrible. But when you're young and you don't know anything about yourself, yeah, you know, and then you're a parent on top of that, all this new stuff, then all we did was argue, right? He played too many video games. I felt like I wasn't getting what I wanted. So then you you're gonna seek attention that you you want, right? And we all know that spark at the beginning of a relationship doesn't last forever. Um, so we were broken up for like two years, and I was with that guy. And I feel like because he was a lot more of a sexual person than I was, but he talked about it more kind of in a sense, like ask questions. And I almost hated the questions because I didn't know what I want. I don't know what I like. So it was definitely a growing moment, but I will say that relationship with him definitely broke me out of my shell and made me realize okay, what do I like? Yeah, which is interesting. So I feel like it's much different compared to you know, 10 years ago.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I I've had very similar experience. I mean, I feel like my the sexual partners that I've had had a been a catalyst for me to that I would not have known myself had I not had those experiences. And by the way, zero judgment at all about, you know, okay, well, you had this adventure. Let's just call it an adventure that you had.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Oh, that's like the perfect word for it because it definitely was. And you know, I just I really enjoyed how I felt because that was like such a key component. And I feel like for the first time in my life, really I had an understanding of like me and my body, but also just like that desire to have sex, you know, and like really want it and it not be a chore or you know, this argumentative thing.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Yeah. So you had this chance to step away, have this adventure, and gosh, I have a couple of questions I think about. Like, because obviously I guess you came back together with your husband. Yeah, and I imagine that having been on this adventure, you came back a different person. Is that fair to say, right? And so I got absolutely new Rachel to the table in this relationship with your husband. So, what did that look like?

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Yeah, so okay, the other fucked up part about this guy, right, is he was actually in jail for quite a few years uh because like he was 18, this girl was 17, the dad pressed charges, so he was classified as what, like a sex offender. And obviously, I had my daughter, so that was just like a big thing. And he was heavily into video games, which is like fine, but I just he was really immature in the aspect of like actual commitment. And then of course, it just I'm gonna say it would never work out between us because of his whole history thing. Um and honestly, I was like my husband, this is of course before we got married. He like went on a trip, I was all gung ho, okay, we're gonna do child support, yada, yada, yada. And then I was bitching about it to one of my friends, and she goes, you know, we bitched about the people that hurt us because we actually love them. And so I was like, fuck, okay. So we ended up getting back together, and it was kind of one of those things either we're gonna get together and stay together or we're done forever because I'm not gonna play this game with my daughter, you know. So that other guy, he just would get in these little like bitch fits and then just like not talk to me and whatever. And I just during that time, yeah, I was like with this guy when I didn't have my daughter, but I was alone a lot and I was not into that. So I just I grew a lot in the sense of okay, I'm done putting up with bullshit. So, you know, he kept doing that to me and then the whole thing getting back with my husband and having our family and stuff, which is really what I wanted. And I feel like that time apart, we both needed to grow in our own way, you know, having our daughter so young. And I mean, right now things are way better. So we've been together 17 years, almost 18.

SPEAKER_04 13:05

And um, that's amazing, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Crazy. And even though like my experiment experience with this other guy really helped me break out of my shell into like kind of what I want at the same time. I don't know, sometimes I feel like I mean, my husband's a typical guy in the sense of, oh, I don't get it enough, and you take forever to turn on. So I feel like as relationships progress, there's you know, you change. And so sexually things change too. And I don't know, I'm always like, I really am not that hard to turn on. You just need to kind of pay attention to my body movement, maybe, and you could figure out what the hell I like and what I don't, you know. So things are much better than they were, you know, like 13 years ago when we had my daughter. But I feel like at the same time too, there's this part of me where it's like, yes, I want to tell you what I want and what I like and whatever. But at the same time, maybe it's just me, but hopefully other people can relate. At the same time, it's like if I tell you exactly what I want and then you do it, now I'm just thinking in my head, like, oh great, this is just him doing exactly what I wanted, you know, when you want that emotion and like that connection, that fire.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

Yeah, like you don't want it to be like, well, he's just following instructions.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Right. Yeah, I'm not a fucking manual.

SPEAKER_03 14:21

Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm kind of curious. I mean, as you're talking about this, so this is a concept that's really new to me. I've just recently been introduced to it. It's so it's called erotic blueprints, and I wanted to kind of share a little bit with you about it and just see if any of it resonates with you at all. Because I'm just curious how you'll react to this. But maybe you've heard of the concept of love languages. Yes, yes, yes, okay, so this is like the erotic version of love languages.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_03 14:51

Kind of curious. So there's this woman, Miss Jaya, J A I Y A, who came up with this. This is like her creation of these blueprints. But she says that there's kind of like there's five love languages, there's five erotic blueprints. And the thing that's interesting to me about it is that we're not all the same in terms of what causes us to feel sexual, you know? And so she says that um one blueprint type is the energetic, and the way she describes that is this brings deep emotional, physical, and spiritual depth to sexual experiences, the ability to experience full body, touch-free and multiple orgasms. So it's almost like it's more of an energetic thing than a physical thing, maybe, and capable of altered states during sex, like I guess maybe meditative, and she says like a natural trip. So that's the energetic.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

That sounds fun.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Right, yeah. The sensual blueprint is um brings an incredible sensory, full body uh consciousness to their sexual experience, the ability to experience intense body awareness and powerful sensory orgasms. So it sounds like it's much more like in the senses. Then the sexual, she says, is brings the fine, passion, and play to sexual experience easily and reliably aroused with simple physical paths to orgasm. So to me, I read I read the this and I kind of read into it. This is the let's just fuck person.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Right? That's my husband.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

Uh yeah, okay. And so, I mean, so as you were talking, I was thinking about this and I was like, ooh, what if this is, you know, he has a certain erotic blueprint and you have a certain erotic blueprint. And I think the whole point of her material is, you know, she hopes that if you and your partner learn each other's, you know, blueprints and can understand how to kind of just like love languages, same idea, right? So then there's the kinky one, and the kinky is bring never-ending heat, taboo, and creativity to sexual experiences, ability to reach heights of pleasure, healing, and orgasm with psychological play. So it's kind of the whole, you know, getting in each other's head. And yeah, and I mean, so I have a little bit of this, and it's like if I'm not supposed to do it, then it's probably interesting to me. Um but then the last one is the shape shifter, which is kind of a blend of all of them. But anyway, I'm just wondering, as you hear that, do any of those kind of strike you? Because you were like, obviously, you sort of identified, oh, that one's my husband. Do any of those sort of pre you feel like, ooh, maybe um Yeah, you know, that's an interesting one.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Yeah, my husband's so easy to identify because it's like you just like one at all a time, or he'll be like, Oh, see, you just touched me and blah, blah, blah. Which, like, great, I'm all for that. But okay, so I had gotten to the point where it's like, I'll tell him, okay, I'll give you five minutes. Like, here's my body, and then leave me the fuck alone after that, you know? And I am like all about the touch, you know. I just well, and it the gentle touches, you know. But can't you just nicely grab me? Or like it literally will just take a nice hug and a kiss, right? I don't need this theatrical thing, but it really is just about the touch. That like loving, caressing touch, yeah. Not the grabbing like a freaking claw or something like that. You know, I don't want to be grabbed aggressively, just caressing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

So of these, you kind of sound like you're uh the sensual.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Yes, I think so.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

Yeah, yeah. That's so isn't that cool that we're like all different and we have sort of a yeah. So okay, so let me ask you about that. Like of your senses. It sounds like touch is definitely one for you. Are any of your other senses also um kind of activating for you sexually?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Um, I would say maybe like scent, you know. Like if you smell good, mm-hmm. I'm on that.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

Okay, cool. Yeah, I mean, my girlfriend's the same way. There's like, you know, so she really likes clones. And if we're out and she smells, you know, somebody has a clone on, like, she'll just be like, What are you wearing? And ask, you know, can I smell you? So that's really cool. You okay, so touch and scent. Do you have any parts of your body that you know to be particularly sort of erogenous in terms of if someone touches me there in the right way?

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Yeah, I think for me it's it's really like lower back, hip, thighs.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

Okay, that's true. Yeah. You'll have to give this to your husband later for him to like watch this and be like, Oh, oh, I have told him so many times, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 19:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

So many times. But he just, I don't know, doesn't he doesn't like to listen. Well, and sometimes too, I feel like you know, he'll he'll be like ready to go in the morning. Okay, I just want to be left alone. Like, I want to do my meditation.

SPEAKER_04 19:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

When you want to keep me up late, you know? So a lot of times that's when I'll be like, okay, just here's your five minutes. Now can I get ready? Um, and then you know, at night, like I'm freaking tired. He gets home late. So he'll want to eat in bed and watch TV. Okay, well, I'm gonna pass out then, you know. So like timing is always up. But oddly enough, like on the weekends after I've had coffee at like the coffee shop, when I come back, it's like, okay, now I'm ready to go. I'm awake, I can relax, I don't gotta like rush to do anything. And then he'll be the one that's like, oh, that's just not a good time. So sometimes timing doesn't always, you know, work. And I've heard people be like, oh, we'll plan it on a calendar or not do that. Like, I'd rather it be this like spontaneous thing, you know, not just kind of planned. But years ago, I think this is probably before we broke up, I was like, Well, yeah, give me a back massage. So he still has that stuck in his head all these years later, and he'll be like, Oh, well, back massage, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, no, no, I've told you that's that's not what I want anymore. It is literally like from the belly button to the upper thigh, that is the hot spot. So maybe eventually give it another 10 years.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

That's the that's where the magic goes. No, we're gonna hold the intention, it's gonna be sooner than 10 years. We're gonna just um I'm if you if you want to, everybody listening to this, we're all gonna be like Rachel's husband, put your focus on it. He's gonna just zone in on where the good stuff is for Rachel. Yeah. All right. So, um Do you have like a particularly memorable sexual experience that was like a turning point for you? And it could have been with your husband or could have been with this man that you were on the adventure with for two years or somebody else?

SPEAKER_00 21:48

No. Um, so I was definitely my little adventure time. Okay, so I feel like, you know, from being young and all that, it was always like, okay, missionary is what what it's about, you know. But especially after you have after you have a kid, that doesn't really work so well. There's not a whole lot of feeling left at that angle, I'd say. Um so yeah, I feel like really during my adventure is mostly for me when I figured out like, okay, more more doggy style, but now it's kind of like half doggy style, half on my side is really like what feels absolute best. Um but I would say that yes, on my adventure was the first time where I am was actually able, well, almost able to finish in doggy style position, but of course he finished first. So since then I haven't been able to reach that from like that uh position. Yeah, but at some point that's the goal.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Yes, yes, absolutely cool. Laying on your side. So that's interesting. So like, are you is it like you're relaxed that way? Because I guess you're just kind of laying.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Yeah. So it's pretty much like being on your side and my one leg is straight. So like whatever side I'm laying on, like if I'm laying on my right side, it's the right leg that's straight with the left leg basically at like a 90 degree angle. Okay. Like if I was, you know, if I was gonna march and my might put my leg up at like that 90 degree. Yeah, definitely a much better spot after having two kids.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Yeah, gotcha. Cool. I mean, I know this is like the seventh uh interview conversation that I've done, and lots of moms, but I'm gonna start bringing that up with moms is how has sex changed for you after kids? Because I'm sure lots of moms, you know, have experienced that and how do they navigate it?

SPEAKER_00 23:46

And yeah, it is interesting. Like now that you say that, it it really does change. Because I mean back in the day, like missionary used to be like so good. Now it's the last thing I want to do. Like, I don't feel a damn thing. I think it also, of course, like heavily depends on like how into it I am, you know, sure with that like emotion connection, which can be challenging with my husband because my kids and I joke that he's the Grinch because he's got like no feelings, you know, doesn't give shit about anybody's feelings, you know, whatever. So it's definitely this thing, like the more into it I am, the more like I move my body how I want to.

SPEAKER_04 24:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

And that just overall, right? The whole body feeling and the sensation, it's so far heightened when I'm into it. I'm not into it, doesn't flip me all around however you want. I'm not gonna feel anything, and I'm just gonna be like counting down the minute.

SPEAKER_03 24:39

Right. Until this is over.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

I want to get out of the chore state. I don't want to just be in chore, and I don't think really anyone does, like especially moms, but it just kind of becomes this thing, especially when like that communication isn't as strong and that lust isn't you know, that spark and fire is kind of fizzled out because you're exhausted.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Yeah, yeah. Um, so how old I mean, if you don't mind my asking, how old are your kids now? Are you like at that?

SPEAKER_00 25:06

So my daughter's gonna be 13 in uh next week. Right, you're gonna super prepared for her birthday. Just kidding. Um my son is six and he'll be seven in May, so it's crazy. I would really like another one. Okay, but yeah, we'll see if that even happened as shit. I have not been on birth control in like eight years, and my ass can't even get pregnant on accident. So if it's meant to happen, it'll happen.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Uh-huh. Exactly. Yeah. But yeah, with a teenager and then a six-year-old, I mean, you've kind of got all sorts of dynamics going on there with you know their different ages, and I would think that it's oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

But luckily for me, my daughter's like still pretty innocent, you know, she still likes dinosaurs. If she was, you know, at the public school across the street or whatever, I think it would be much, much different.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

But different, sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

She's gonna do better than me, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_03 26:07

Oh yeah. Mom's conscious, mom's doing the work. Um, if you could travel, time travel, to your younger self and talk to her about sexuality, what age, like your age, what would you travel back to? And what would you say to young Rachel?

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Oh man, well, I would definitely travel back to like the first time I had sex and probably slap the shit out of myself and say, Don't do it because that'd be horrible. Like, wait, wait to actually have that relationship. You know, even if it was the guy that I dated for a year and a half, like fine, I would have been totally chill if that was the first time, I would have been much better. Um, yeah, so I think a lot of people regret like the first person, right? And I would definitely go back and not do that. And I would also tell myself, like, you are worthy, yeah, and you don't need to fall into whatever the hell everyone else is doing. Like, do your own thing, you'll be so much happier.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Yeah, yes, yes, love it. Um have you ever had an embarrassing sexual moment?

SPEAKER_00 27:19

I mean, definitely, haven't we all? Uh yeah, for sure. So I would say, like, the second guy I attempted to have sex with, again, right, because the whole pressure thing, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 27:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Oh, so bad. And maybe it wasn't so much, I guess kind of embarrassing for me, but I think he was just like so drunk that like he couldn't get it up, you know. And then being young, thinking, like, well, what the hell am I doing here? You know, like this is is it me? Is something wrong with me? But no, he's just so drunk. Yeah, that was that was pretty bad. That was pretty bad. But also when I started dating my husband, uh, you know, we used condoms like a few times, and I had some in my drawer, and then one day I came home and my mom had like grabbed them out and put them on my oh shit. Okay, I do not want to have this conversation. So well, and then too, like all these memories are just coming back to me right now. Um, my brother-in-law, he walked in on my husband and I. And I'll never forget. My husband like sat up and he's like, get out of here, you know, and his brother just like mortified. So yeah, just a few.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

That's a good one. I mean, that makes for an interesting like future Thanksgiving's Christmases, whatever, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

Well, and I mean, then once you've seen that, it's like, well, now we're just we're I don't know, how is it?

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Right. Yeah. Well, and okay, so last year, last one I'm gonna share, I promise. Uh, we had an exchange student living with us from Germany and she was 15. And last year, when our exchange student was with us, you know, I'm trying to have like an afternoon delight over here. And then all of a sudden we hear the door open. And I thought it was our exchange student, and I was absolutely mortified. Like I couldn't look at her for like a day, you know. Well, then, like a day or two later, come to find out it was actually my daughter, and so I had to have a conversation of okay, the door shut, we knock, right? And then we put a lock on our door and what have you. But uh, even my son, you know, and he was just like, I see your naked butt.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

I'm like, oh my god, no, so no, I mean, so my and he doesn't remember this, but I mean, my son, he was probably four, he was little, and his mom and I were in the living room on the like carpet in the dark, and he was supposed to be asleep, and he came like half asleep, stumbling through the dark, and like, and I feel this little hand on my butt, and I'm like, oh shit, and I'm turning around and look, and he's like, his eyes are like half closed, you know. I'm like, let's go back to bed, you know. But he totally walked up on us in the middle of um yeah, so but he never has I don't think he remembers it, he never has said anything about it, but yeah, that happened as far as I know. He's not traumatized or anything like that. Um so let me ask you this. What do you love about your sexuality?

SPEAKER_00 30:21

I think now, just as I've you know gotten more comfortable, I think that for me when I get some, you know, I do feel just more at peace, more patient. I think it just helps fuel my own feeling of you know worthiness and wanting to have more of that desire, you know. It's like when you get some good sessions in, it's kind of makes me want it more. And I think for you know, anything when you feel good, you want more.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

Yes, yes, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I it's it's that way for me too. And it's like, you know, I went through a period because I grew up with a lot of shame about my sexuality, but I'm really in a place now where I'll see how much of a gift it is, and yeah, like you know, it's like it's just energy, it's part of who we are. And I don't say just like it's not magical, it is magical, it's like part of our experience of something bigger than just our, you know, like limited self. It's it feels unlimited to me. I think there's a reason why people sometimes having sex will be like, oh god, you know, because it's like a connection with the divinity almost that we I think can experience, you know. If it's like really what your body and heart need, then it can bring this kind of magic out of this.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

And then of course you do want more, you're like, I yeah, because we I mean, really, it just makes you so present. Get your mind off everything. Like, I feel like for me, when I can really get into it, it's like nothing else matters, and yeah, when you're in that present and just focusing on like the feeling and the energy, right? So, yeah, I absolutely agree with that.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

All right, is there a filthy question that you mentally prepared to answer that I didn't ask?

SPEAKER_00 32:10

No, I think this is okay, cool.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

All right, good deal. Well, thank you so much for doing this. Absolutely. This has really been awesome. I've enjoyed it quite a bit.

SPEAKER_04 32:20

Me too.

SPEAKER_03 32:22

Uh and if you like, I'm gonna send you this erotic blueprint stuff. And if you want to check it out and just see, because it kind of sounds like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Yeah, I'd definitely love to check it out and look into it.

Marvin aka Morgan Hale 32:33

Cool. Thanks for listening to Filthy Little Secrets. I hope we left you feeling light, free, and inspired to explore your filthy sexual horizons. If you want more, subscribe to get all the filthy feature fun. If you're a sex positive woman who'd like to burn another bra of chain, I want to talk to you. Wanna come on the show and tell your story? Go to Morganhale Book.com slash podcast to learn more. That's M O R D A N H A L E Books.com slash podcast. Until next time, this is Morgan Hale, encouraging you to keep it real and filthy.